Gains and Losses
by seaweedfma
Summary: For everything that is lost, something is gained. Havoc with an eventual het pairing won't say who here! Manga based, slightly AU, set after the manga. Spoilers for manga ch 38. It's in the process of being re-written/updated. Keep watching for updates!
1. Friendships Renewed

Title: Friendships Renewed (Gains and Losses, Chapter 1)  
Author: SeaweedOtter  
Characters: Jean Havoc and friends  
Rating: PG for a little language  
Disclaimer: Manga Spoilers... Set years after chapter 38. Definitely AU.  
Summary: Jean didn't need the constant reminders of how much he'd lost.

**

In the time since Fuhrer Bradley had been thrown from power, Amestris had been unstable, to say the least. But that was just what Roy Mustang had been hoping for. It had made his rise to the top of the military fall within his grasp.  
There had been quite a bit of resistance when he started to move through the ranks after the usurp, seeing as how Mustang had a very large part in taking the former Fuhrer down. Mustang was not trusted at first, and there were still Bradley supporters that attempted to block him at every turn, but when the people of Amestris saw how much better their lives were after Bradley was gone, the whispers of General Mustang becoming Fuhrer began. At first, they were just innuendos and mumbled rumors in beer halls and over secret meetings. But like a snowball, things happened fast, and it came as a relief to the whole of the nation when it was announced that Roy Mustang was going to become the next Fuhrer of Amestris.

"Come on! I have to go, he was my superior officer!" Jean complained to his doctor. He had been transferred to the East after he had stabilized, and being away from his former soldiers, coworkers, and friends was driving him just as batty as not being able to move his legs. He had surprised himself with his diligence to his rehabilitation- in the hopes that he really would get to see them all again-, but he still didn't seem to be any closer to walking than he had been the morning he woke up in the hospital.

The doctor sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "Alright. I'm sure that getting out and seeing your friends would be good for you. But we're going to have to find someone to travel with you. You're going to need help getting around."

Havoc's face soured, his mouth dropping to a quick frown. "Gee, thanks, Doc. I never would've figured that out myself." he snapped. He reached- almost without thinking- to the table by the bed, but he didn't find his pack of cigarettes waiting for him. Instead, there was a small shot glass filled with toothpicks. Grumbling, he picked one up and shoved it into his mouth, chewing on it angrily.

The doctor sighed again and stood up, gathering his bags and stepping towards the door. "I'll get one of our therapists to assist you in traveling back to Central."

"I know who I want." Havoc said, his voice still low and humorless. "Call Central Command, and get Major Breda. I'm sure he'd love an excuse to come visit again. He's a good friend of mine. And if I have to have someone baby-sit me, I'd rather it be him."

"Okay. I'll call him today." The doctor nodded and exited the room, softly closing the door behind him.

Havoc let out a short breath, grumbling to himself when he looked down at the empty, crumpled cigarette pack that he'd thrown to the floor earlier that morning. "Oh great." he quipped. "This day's just getting better and better." He turned his head and looked out the window, watching the few white, puffy clouds float by on the warm spring breeze and chewing harder on his already mangled toothpick.

____________________________________

"Hey, Havo! Long time no see!" Breda waved a hand, grinning broadly as he walked in the door. Havoc managed a slight smile and waved back, his mood lightening for the first time in several days.

"Hey, Breda. It's been too long. Did you bring what I asked?"

"Yeah, but I still think they're bad for ya." Breda sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as he took a pack of cigarettes out of his coat pocket and gently tossed them on the bed. Havoc didn't care about looking desperate when he quickly snatched the pack, tore it open, and shoved one of the sticks into his mouth. His hand shook a little as he took the lighter from the bed stand and lit it, puffing a couple of times. His whole countenance changed in an instant with the smoky breath he released.

"So, I'm gonna help you get back to Central, huh?" Breda said after giving Havoc a few moments to enjoy his nicotine rush.

"Yeah, the sooner the better. I'm going crazy here." he replied. "I feel like I'm stagnating. I need something else. I wanna get out... get up..." he stopped, letting out a deep breath and going silent again.

"Okay, chief. Let's get you ready."

________________________________________

They were able to book a train a couple of days later. To everyone's relief, Breda was a huge help in getting everything situated for the trip. He assisted with packing, and he listened intently while the doctor instructed him on how to assist his best friend. It was obvious to everyone that Havoc had been in a much better mood since his best friend had arrived. When the morning came that they were to leave, the doctor went with them to the station, giving Breda some final instructions as they boarded the train to Central.

"I know it's going to be tough, but he can only have 2 cigarettes a day. It really should be less, but we compromised. Don't let him forget to take his medicine 3 times a day. It says on the bottles which are to be taken when, but he should remember by now." He handed Breda a sheet of paper. "This is a list of telephone numbers for other doctors in Central, as well as my number here, if there are any complications. His wounds have healed, but with injuries like this, it's impossible to tell what may come up."

Breda nodded, taking this all in. "I got it, Doc. I know he can be a handful at times and I'm sorry. I hope that he'll be better about talking advice from me. I'll make him, if I have to. Thanks." The doctor nodded, understanding what the man meant, and taking no offense. He had seen Havoc's stubbornness when he digs in his heels. The more his doctor insisted that he do something- especially if it came to his smoking habit- the more he didn't want to. They both hoped that hearing it from someone else would make Havoc listen.

A train whistle cut off any further conversation. The doctor waved, and Breda walked back over to his friend, and wheeled Havoc up to the train. It took several minutes, and 2 train workers plus Breda to get the chair and Havoc into the car. By the end of the ordeal, he was frustrated and embarrassed, and was unusually quiet for the rest of the morning, something that the sharp-witted Breda hadn't missed. After a few hours of riding in an uncomfortable, awkward silence, Breda finally confronted his friend.

"You alright, chief?" Even as slow as Havoc admitted to being at times, it hadn't escaped his notice that in the last couple of days, Breda had taken to addressing people the way that he'd used to when he was a part of the military.

Havoc shrugged noncommittally. "I guess. It's gonna be hard, going back there. Besides you, I really haven't had any visitors." There was more than a small hint of sadness in his voice. The train shuddered over a particularly rough part of the track, causing Havoc to have to steady himself- bracing on the window. He sighed softly, looking down at the blanket that covered his useless legs. "It seems like they've forgotten about me. I mean, I get letters from time to time, but none of them have come to visit, besides you of course."

Breda shook his head slowly. "No, they haven't. In fact, I've already told you that I've been acting as their liaison. I come and see you, tell you about what is going on in Central, and then when I go back, I tell them how you're doing. There hasn't been much to tell them about you, unfortunately." He frowned and ducked his head downwards; trying to pay more attention to the donut that he was munching on so he wouldn't have to meet his friend's steely cold, blue eyed gaze.

"Yeah, that's why I wanted to travel. I'm hoping that this can be the kick in the ass that I need to start... moving forward." Havoc paused for a moment. "Hey, can I have a smoke?" Wordlessly, Breda took the pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and shook one out. Havoc put it in his mouth, and Breda replaced the pack, took Havoc's lighter from his pocket and lit the end. There was a slight crackling noise when the paper and dry tobacco caught on fire, and then the sound of Havoc's breath sucking in, holding, deeply releasing, then nothing.

The rest of the train ride was handled in an uncomfortable silence.

_________________________________

"Lieutenant Havoc!" Armstrong beamed, his huge frame dwarfing everyone at Central Station. Havoc sighed and shook his head, nibbling on the toothpick that had become his smoking substitute. Many a toothpick had become a sad victim at his incessant chewing, the only viable target for the frustration that ate at Havoc, day after day.

"It's just Jean now, Armstrong. I'm not a Lieutenant any more." he said sourly. Armstrong's huge, mustachioed face immediately drooped. He looked like a puppy that had been left out in the rain, the sparkle in his eyes gone.

"Oh, yes. I'm sorry, Jean." He said awkwardly. After a moment of empty silence, he pointed towards the exit. "Let's go. You have lot of friends who are waiting for you."

The car ride was as awkward as the train ride had been. Armstrong tried to start a conversation a couple of times but no matter what he did, it seemed to go the wrong direction and mention something that made Havoc wince, and the deathly silence that filled the car would start anew.

As they drove through Central City, Havoc was very surprised at how much he remembered about the town, even though he hadn't seen it in nearly 2 years. "Ah, over there is the courthouse, and over that way are the military dorms." He said, pointing in various directions outside his window. Breda smiled. For a brief moment, he heard the hint of excitement in his friend's voice and saw that gleam that Havoc's eyes used to hold. He wanted to say something, but he held back and just nodded. As soon at they passed the military dorms, Havoc's eyes went wide.

"Er... I guess in all the excitement I forgot. Where... am I staying?"

"Don't worry, chief, we wouldn't leave ya high and dry." Breda smiled. "You're staying with Janet and I."

"Oh yeah. I forgot. You're two are gonna be married soon." He tried to keep a smile on his face but inwardly, Havoc groaned. This was yet another reminder of how he was much further behind he was falling.

"Yeah, and since you're the best man, you're going to be there, come hell or high water."

Jean, once again, was silent. Another toothpick bit the dust.

____________________________

Havoc's stomach twisted when he saw the giant gray building of Central Command looming in front of him. He was fairly lucky- since this was a building that many people needed access to, there was already a ramp built into the side of the building. That was a luxury that wasn't usually available in the much smaller village that he lived in, and that had limited his excursions in many frustrating ways.

"Come on, chief. They're waiting." Breda said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He slowly wheeled Havoc up the side of the building and towards the door. Armstrong followed a couple of steps behind, a much quieter and more serious look than normal plastered on his giant face.

Never had Havoc wanted a cigarette more than when he was being wheeled down the long hallway that they all used to frequent. The doors seemed never ending, and he remembered what was behind each of them, without even having to reading the plaques on the side of each door. As they went past it, Havoc's eyes lingered on the door that lead to the office where he had spent most of his time- the colonel's office. How many times had Mustang been at the desk at the far end of the room, with Breda, Fuery, Falman and himself at the desks in the center, and Hawkeye, his loyal bodyguard, at the colonel's side? He wondered who was in there now. Did they have a loyal and trustworthy group of subordinates like Mustang had?

"It isn't anyone you know, the guy who's in there." Breda could easily tell what his friend was thinking. He paused by the door for a moment. "We can go in, if you want, though it probably won't even look the same. I haven't been in there in a while."

Havoc shook his head. "Nah, it's alright." Breda nodded and wheeled his friend towards the large office at the far end of the hallway. Havoc had only been in there a couple of times, but it was easy to tell by the ornate doorway and large plaque that it was the office of the Fuhrer. Breda stopped right outside the door. The whole hall was strangely silent. Gone was the bustle of people that were usually walking around on any normal working day. It was almost like the building and the people in it were waiting for this moment to arrive.

"Are... you ready, Jean?" Havoc shot Breda a confused look. He wasn't used to his friend using his first name. After a moment of thought, he shrugged it off and nodded.

"As ready as I'll ever be, chief." He managed a small grin, leaning his head back to look at Breda. With a deep exhalation, he opened the door.

The room was huge, and it was only the waiting room. It had portraits on the walls and a desk to the side, where the Fuhrer's secretary usually sat. It was oddly empty inside, devoid of any sort of familiarity and personality. It wasn't as if Havoc had been expecting, or even wanting his friends yelling out "Surprise!" or something silly like that, but Havoc was more than a little disappointed at the total lack of humanity in the room. Given that its previous owner had been a homunculus, he guessed that was strangely appropriate.

"Oh, I guess they're in the inner office. Sorry, boss." Breda gave a weak smile and they continued, rolling across the great expanse of the outer room, to the inner office door. This time, when Breda opened the door, a sea of familiar faces hit him.

"Hello there, Havoc. I'm still waiting for you to catch up." Mustang looked much older. He had lines under his eyes, and his hair was slightly longer, but it was still just as well groomed as it had always been, his bangs brushing lightly over his forehead. He could see a few gray hairs that stood out among the rest of the jet blackness. But the fire was still burning in those deep onyx eyes.

Havoc smiled at the future Fuhrer. As a habit, he saluted, catching himself in the middle of it. "Oh, sorry, sir." he said with an embarrassed smirk on his face.

Mustang smiled and returned the salute. "It's alright, Jean. And you don't need to call me sir, at least not yet. But you better get used to saluting me. I want to see you back in your uniform, soon." Havoc noticed the sad smile he had on his face.

Slowly he panned his eyes around the room. They were all there. Fuery, Falman- who Breda had informed him on the train ride back had recently switched from Investigations to work under Mustang again- Armstrong, Breda, and Hawkeye. The gang was all here. They looked the same, for the most part. Falman was still as stiff and proper as ever. Fuery was fiddling with a little piece of machinery, something to keep his fingers busy. Havoc smiled a little as looked at all of them. Then he noticed- in the back, away from the group- a short, sandy haired child.

"Al- Alphonse?" Havoc asked softly, causing the boy who had been looking and daydreaming out the back window to jump slightly at hearing his name called. His cheeks blushed slightly and rubbed his hand on the back of his neck.

"Yes, Mr. Havoc. It is me." He gave an embarrassed grin.

"Jean, or just Havoc is fine."

"Oh, okay...er... Jean," Havoc smiled. Even though he was out of the military, it just seemed rather… weird to now have all of his former fellow soldiers calling him by his first name.

"It's nice to see you again." Havoc said, pausing briefly. During one of his visits, Breda had explained to his best friend that Al had gotten his body back, but this had been the first time that he had seen him in the flesh. Oddly enough, he looked... younger. Jean wasn't sure how, but he didn't even look close to the age of 16 that Havoc figured he should've been. He hadn't been given many details about Al's reappearance, and Havoc hadn't pried, guessing that the boy's mental wounds were still fresh. That was something that he could definitely understand. Havoc's hand went to his shirt, feeling the scars on his stomach through the soft material.

After a moment, Havoc's gaze went back, full circle, to Mustang. At his side, as always, was the beautiful Riza Hawkeye. He sighed. How many days had he seen her walking one step behind his former colonel? He couldn't count the times that he had wanted to tell her how beautiful she was, how her golden hair and hazel eyes melted into his soul. Even though it had never come up in the office, he had always assumed that the bond between her and Mustang was more than just the one between an officer and his bodyguard, and Havoc had kept his feelings to himself. When he looked down slightly, and noticed that they were discreetly holding hands, he was suddenly glad that he had never breathed a word of his feelings towards her.

"R-r-Riza." he stammered, almost glad that one particular part of his body could no longer give away how he was feeling at the moment, though he was pretty sure that the hot red flush on his cheeks gave enough information to everyone.

"Hello, Havoc. It's been a long time." She managed a small smile, but she could clearly see the conflicting emotions. It hadn't been hard for her to tell that Havoc had feelings for her, but she had always been very appreciative that he had kept things professional. She respected him as a fellow officer, but she didn't want to break it to him that she didn't share his feelings. It was well known how unlucky was when it came to love, and she didn't want to make him feel any worse.

"Hey, Fuery, Falman". Havoc managed a little smile and a wave. Even the ever stiff Falman smiled and waved back. "So... I guess the party can start now?" Havoc smirked, his trademark grin plastered on his face for just a moment before he faded back into the rather flat countenance that had been dominant recently. There were a few moments of silence, like no one was really sure what exactly to say.

"Well, we have to get back to work, but don't worry. We'll see you around, and we're all going to get together tonight for dinner." Armstrong finally said in his flat, low, gruff voice. Fuery, Falman, and Al nodded their agreement, and headed towards the door, each of them gently putting their hand on Havoc's shoulder as a farewell gesture when they left.

"I'm on leave, chief. My orders are to be your chauffer while you're here in Central, take ya where ya need to go, show ya the sights." Breda smiled at Havoc. "So ya aren't getting rid of me so easily."

"Hmph. I thought I was usually the one driving people around." Havoc replied, somewhat bitterly.

"Well, then it's time that I return the favor."

"Thanks, Breda. You're a good friend." Breda just smiled.

Mustang and Hawkeye stayed silent for a moment, their hands unlocking. He cleared his throat. "I'm very sorry to do this, Havoc, but the inauguration is in two days, and I have a lot of things that I have to finalize, and a lot of paperwork that has to be signed. You know how much I look forward to that." Breda and Havoc didn't miss the knowing smile on Hawkeye's face at the mention of paperwork, Mustang's true nemesis. "But I'll be there tonight, and we can catch up on old times."

Havoc nodded, actually a little glad to get away from a somewhat awkward situation. "Thanks, chief... er... Fuhrer." He smiled. "I'll have to get used to that." He saluted again, and Mustang saluted back. Breda did the same, and turned Havoc around, wheeling him out of the office, through the huge and still empty waiting room, and back into the large, looming hallway.

All of a sudden, Havoc started to wonder if coming here was really the 'kick in the ass' that he had thought he needed.


	2. Promises

It was a lucky break that there was a really nice noodle restaurant close to Breda's house that was able to take a large party that night. Of course, having the soon to be Fuhrer in their party certainly made it a lot easier.

Breda, Janet and Havoc arrived first. Falman was next, then Fuery and Al came about the same time. Havoc managed a bit of a laugh- despite this supposedly being a 'casual dinner', every single solider had individually decided to wear their dress blues that night, including the soon to be Fuhrer. Havoc's heart ached. He would have loved nothing more than to have  
been to do the same.

A few minutes later, Al walked in, looking handsome in a black dress shirt and black slacks. He was walking beside a tan skinned, dark haired lady with her hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. She had on a somewhat matching, long, black, sleeveless dress that made her automail arm impossible to not notice. Armstrong entered about 5 minutes afterward. As usual, Roy Mustang was the last to arrive, with Riza in a stunning long red dress that made Havoc want to shift in his seat, if he could have. All the men stood up when Riza came to the table- all but one of course. Havoc sighed, taking the life of yet another innocent toothpick. He knew there was a reason that he didn't like classy joints that didn't allow smoking. Give him a smoky bar any night.

"I am sorry, Riza. I would get up, but I am kinda stuck where I am." He smirked, trying to make light of the situation, attempting to diffuse what could have potentially been awkward. Breda noticed how much like the old Havoc he was, even if just for a moment. It gave Breda some hope that maybe things could get better for his friend.

"It is alright, Havoc. I understand." Riza didn't smile, but her voice wasn't sad. Roy pulled out her chair and she sat down, scooting it in. Roy took the seat beside her, and everyone else took thier seats. After dinner and drinks were ordered, the conversations started. Each person took turns telling Havoc what they had been doing in the past couple of years. Most of what they were talking about he had heard from Breda in his visits, but Havoc appreciated hearing the people telling him themselves. It had been a long time since he had heard their voices, he would have been happy if they had been reading the phone book to him. As long as it was the voices of his best friends.

Breda started, telling Havoc how he had proposed to Janet just before his last visit, and how they had both already decided that he was going to be their best man. They had set their wedding for the fall, about 8 months away. Havoc was honored, but had to admit that he wasn't sure if he would be able to accept.

"I don't know much of a best man I will make. I am only half a man at best." Havoc bitterly quipped.

"Well if you don't accept, I will kill you and you won't be any sort of a man at all." Breda only half jokingly replied.

Havoc smiled for a moment, then shrugged. "Well, if you put it that way, then I guess I don't have a choice. A life, even one in a chair, is better than no life at all." He paused for a moment, getting a grim, steely determination in his eyes. "I will promise you this, Breda. I promise that I will be standing at your wedding. I can't promise how long I will be able to stand, or that I will be able to do much else, but I *WILL* make that happen." There were gasps from the entire group. As far as they had heard, he still didn't have any feeling in his legs. He went around the table, taking in the looks of shock and wonder at what he had said.

"Yeah, I have been keeping a little something from you guys, even Breda." He shot a look of apology at his friend. "It isn't much, and I wanted to wait to tell you guys until I had some more significant news, but I guess that now is about a good as time as any. Some doctors from Xing have been working on me for a couple of months. I have been getting a tiny bit of feeling back, but it is very slow going, and the pain is hard to bear. I can't take much of thier 'therapy' at a time." He paused for a second, letting out a deep breath and closing his eyes for a moment. "But if it means that I will get to stand at my best friend's wedding, then I will bear ten times the pain to make it happen." The smile on Breda's face told the whole story.

Not much was said for a moment. Breda looked like he was going to tear up, but quickly composed himself. Havoc looked over at Roy, who was smiling softly, sadly. He of all people knew what it was like to see someone stubborn enough to do anything to reach their goal. He had seen it in his young alchemist who was very conspicuously absent.

After that bit of news, neither Falman nor Fuery had much to add. They had both gained a couple of ranks. Fuery was now in charge of radio communications. Falman moved back from Investigations to work directly under Mustang. Armstrong didn't have a lot of information to update either. He had risen a rank, but still hadn't been given much more responsibility, which seemed to suit him fine.

Riza admitted to Havoc that she and Roy had indeed had feelings for each other for quite a long time, and that they had already planned a wedding for next spring, so Mustang would have time to settle into his new role as Fuhrer. Havoc was dead quiet while she was talking, a bit of the color draining out of his cheeks. Deep in his heart he had known that Riza was unattainable, but this was the final nail in that coffin. Any lingering doubts that his mind was making, any excuses that he would somehow find a way to woo the unattainable beauty that was Riza Hawkeye was gone in a flash. All of a sudden, he didn't really want to eat the food that was rapidly cooling in front of him.

Roy didn't have much to add to what Riza had said. He gave some of the details on what happened in Central after the uprising, and how he had so quickly rose to the highest rank in the military, adding quite a few details that the papers that Havoc had been reading either didn't or couldn't give. When he was done, there was more silence. There was one more person to speak, and he didn't seem too keen on saying anything.

"Um, Al. I don't think I know your companion." Havoc tried to be pleasant, but still goad the boy into saying at least something. There was one topic that everyone had been ignoring since he had arrived, and they all knew that this young man was the one to talk about it. Al snapped out of whatever deep thoughts he had been in, blushing slightly as being caught not paying attention. He fiddled with his napkin under the table. "Oh, I am sorry." He said, distractedly. "This is Paninya. She is a friend of mine." Paninya waved and smiled, blushing a little.

"Hello all. I met Al when he and.. " she paused. "When he was in Rush Valley. That is where I am from." The silence at the table was deafening.

Havoc sighed deeply, rubbing his hand over his face. "Look. I am not the brightest person here, but I can tell that there is something... or someone that no one wants to talk about. Why don't we just get it out into the open, so we can relax? I am tired of all this walking on eggshells." He hadn't realized how weirdly ironic his statement was until after it had left his mouth.

Al looked down at his food, pushed it away, and let out a deep breath. "How much about my brother has Breda told you?" he asked slowly, deliberately.

"Well.." all of a sudden, the dropping feeling in his stomach made Havoc wonder if he really did want to bring this up, "He told me that after the coup there was some previously secret information about the Philosopher's Stone that Bradley had been hiding, and that had allowed him to use the stone to give you your body back, but he was lost in the process." Havoc paused, taking a long drink of his beer. "That.. is about it."

Al fought back tears in his eyes. He spoke must softer than before. "Honestly, that is about all there is to it. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know if he is alive or dead, at the Gate or beyond." He looked down to his half eaten food, not wanting to look into peoples' eyes. "I have been trying to do more research to see if I can get him back. But so far I have found nothing. The stone went with brother to wherever he is now, so even if I wanted to, I can't use it to bring him back. And I don't think he would want me to, anyways."

Havoc wasn't really sure what to say to him. Everyone here had experienced loss in some way or another, a best friend, a co-worker, a mother, a brother. It was an unfortunate trait that they all shared. The rest of the dinner went pretty quietly, although nobody seemed to have much of an appetite. Havoc's hope that everyone would relax unfortunately didn't come true, and when it was time for dinner to end, most people couldn't leave fast enough. Breda, Havoc, and Al hung back from the rest of the group for a moment.

"Look, Al. I am sorry." Havoc started. "I didn't mean to dredge up some old wounds. Believe me, I know how much wounds hurt." He rubbed the scars on his stomach iddly. Al noticed the movement and nodded quietly.

"It is okay, Havoc. It is something that I have to live with, same as you. This is pain that we have to deal with, each in our own way." Al put his hand on Havoc's shoulder gently and walked outside to meet Paninya, who was waiting for him.

"Breda, I need a smoke."

"Alright, chief."

They met Roy and Riza outside. Roy handed him an envelope with an official seal. "Here are three tickets for you guys, in the booth with the rest of us. There will be a car to pick you guys up at 0800 hours, so don't go out drinking tomorrow night, because you have to look good for me." Havoc coughed, almost losing his cigarette in the process. Roy's countenance dimmed, the stone face that Havoc had seen almost every day at work showing once again. "You find something funny, Jean?" He said, more than a little annoyance in his tone.

"Nah, chief." Havoc smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "I just like how you are still looking after me. Even though I asked to be left behind, you are too stubborn to do that. You always have been a stubborn one, Boss. Ya never take no for an answer."

Roy smiled, patting Havoc's shoulder. "Well, I already told you that I will be waiting for you at the top. My offer still stands. I held my end of the bargain, now it is time to hold up yours." With one last smile, he looked to Riza, giving her a little squeeze of the hand, and they walked off towards their car. Breda stood in silence for a while, letting Havoc finish his cigarette, and let him think.

"I dont get it..." Havoc finally said. "Why is he still waiting for me? I mean even if, by some miracle, I am able to stand, even if it is just for a couple of minutes at your wedding, even the Xing healers don't think I will ever be able to walk." He took one last drag, held it, and blew out his last puff of smoke for the night. "Just because they can make me feel my legs, that doesn't mean that they can help me move them."

"Well, we will cross that bridge when we get there. Let's just get going. It is late, and I know you have had a long day." He started to wheel Havoc towards the car that Janet had just brought around. "Come on, chief."


	3. And Miles To Go

The day of the wedding was approaching. Havoc knew that soon, he was going to have to make the arrangements to travel back to Central, a place that had hadn't seen in many months- since he had watched his former commanding officer take the rank of Fuhrer President. It had been a fairly peaceful time for the country, something that a whole generation of its people had not yet seen. The Furher had worked out a deal with Creta, which signed a peace treaty with Amestris, and he was deep in negotiations with Drachma for the same.

The world around Havoc had changed very little. His little Eastern town was still peaceful and quiet, which had suited him fine in the past. When he was a Lt., he had loved to get away from the hustle and bustle of Central to visit this quiet Eden. But this place had since become his tomb, a place he feared that he was doomed to linger in for eternity, unable to get up.. get out.

It is said that those with their backs to the wall, with nothing to lose, fight the hardest. And perhaps that was what drove the fire in Havoc's soul. Despite the toll financially that it was taking on his family, they insisted that the Xingian doctors stay and continue to work on Havoc's ravaged body. There had been some definite improvements, but no one, short of a deity could work the pace that Havoc truly wanted.

"Sir, try to wiggle your toes for me." One of the Xingian healers said in his broken Amestrian. Havoc had picked up on a little Xingian, to help with the communication barrier that still stood blocking his path to freedom, to movement, to life. Havoc tensed his body, shut his eyes tight and concentrated, willing his body to move, even if just a tiny bit. He barely felt the impulse, the tensing of a muscle, his body trying to respond to its command. When he opened his eyes, he saw his toe move, just the slightest bit. The smile widened on the healer's face.

"Good boy!" Havoc always thought it was odd, how the healer usually refered to him more like a man would respond to a pet, but it was just one of the many things that he was determined to work thru. He wasn't letting this, or anything else stand in the way of his goal. He would never admit it to any of his friends back in Central, who had only seen his rather lazy, laid back side, but having something tangible to work for was really making him feel good. He had a purpose in life now, and nobody could get him there but himself.

"Thanks, sir." He groaned and cracked his neck, letting out a deep breath. His body was aching, muscles sore, lungs crying out for the nicotine that calmed his jumbled nerves. "Would we be able to take a break for a few minutes?" he asked. "I want to..er.. get some air."

The healer shook his head, muttering softly in Xingeese. "You know those go against your body's healing powers, and may postpone you getting better." He said softly.

"I know, but I can't help it. I need them. They take the edge off, make me feel better."

"Alright, but don't be long. We still have more treatment to go." Havoc shuddered at that. He knew the 'treatment' well. The pain was etched into his soul. The feeling of a millions needles being pressed into your skin at once. It was worse than the pain of Lust pushing those spears of her fingers straight thru his body, severing his spinal cord. He kept telling himself that if it allowed him to walk, then he would do what he had to. There had been times when the pain had been so intense that he saw white flashes in his vision, his stomach sickened, and dizziness had nearly forced him to pass out. But he fought thru it, trying not to show his pain. He didn't want the healers to stop their treatments. He had a promise to keep.

The cigarette couldn't last long enough. He tried to suck it down as slowly as he could, the idea of the pain that he was going to be put thru making his stomach knot. Inevitably, the last of the ash fell off the end of the butt, and there was no more waiting. Sighing, he dropped he butt and rolled over it a couple of times.

Ducking his head he rolled himself back into the house, tensing at the thought of what was to come.

____________________________________________________________

"So, are you ready, chief?" Breda looked like he hadn't slept in about a week. He had lost a little bit of weight, but Havoc wasn't sure if that was from trying to fit into a tuxedo, or if it was just from worry and work.

"Yeah. You know, you didn't have to come yourself. I know that you are busy with the wedding. You could have sent Armstrong down here. He has been here before and knows how to find me. I am sure you have about a million things that you could be doing at home." Havoc replied with a wide grin, taking another deep puff on the quickly dwindling cigarette. He knew it was his last for a while, and wanted to savor it.

"Well, yeah, but honestly, this is a nice way to get away from all the craziness, even if just for a couple of days. " Breda said, walking past Havoc and depositing the last of thier luggage in the car.

"Doesn't Janet miss you?"

"Yeah, we miss each other." Breda got a wide grin on his face. "Thanks. That reminds me that I have to call her before we go." He closed the car door and turned back towards the house. "She understands that you are my best friend, and that you being at the wedding, and a part of it, is very important to me. Besides, she got to choose the maid of honor, so it is fair."

"Hey Breda, about that promise I made. The one months ago, at the noodle shop in Central." Havoc's face went unusually serious.

"Yeah, I remember. What about it?"

"Well, I have been doing as much as I can with the healers, and they have helped me a long ways along, but I still have a way to go. " He sighed and took a long draw off his quickly dwindling cigarette. "I dont think I am going to able to stand for you for the ceremony." Havoc looked, and felt, likes someone had just ran over his dog. He felt nothing short of a lowlife for disappointing his friend.

"It is alright, Jean. I know it is hard. You May not know it, but I realize how much pain you have been going through for this. I appreciate that you tried to heal faster for me, but you need to do this for yourself. You have come a long way. And I am proud of ya." Breda shrugged and smiled, taking the butt of Havoc's cigarette out of his mouth and throwing it on the ground. "Come on. I hear the train whistle. We need to go."

________________________________________________________________

"Hmm. So here we are again." Havoc stretched his arms out and arched his back as best he could in his chair, trying to work the kinks out from the long train ride. Breda nodded and wheeled his friend off the train and out to where his fiancee was waiting with the car.

The car ride, like the train ride down, was much more pleasant than the last time he had come. It seemed to be the opposite this time from before. Breda, preoccupied with the dozens of things that had to be done before the wedding in 3 days, was pretty quiet, while Havoc seemed to be in an unusually good mood. Breda had noticed, and he wondered if Havoc had something to tell him, something he was hiding from him, or if he was just happy for his best friend getting married. Either way, Havoc was being very tight lipped about that. Breda shrugged and guessed that he would know when he was told. He had more pressing matters that were demanding his attention at the moment.

There were a few places they had to run around to, to get some flowers, to make sure the cake would be ready, and to make sure the photographer was going to be available. Breda noticed that Havoc seemed to be interested in the photographer. He had never known his friend to take an interest in photography before, which made it doubly suspicious. What in the world was his friend plotting, he wondered? He shrugged again. Havoc had never been one to be terribly predictable, prone to getting wild ideas, then dropping them a short time later. Maybe he was thinking about taking over the gaping hole that had been let when Brigadier General Hughes had died a few years ago. Maybe he just wanted something to get his mind off being stuck in that damn chair. Or maybe it was just Havoc being his usual goofball self. He figured it was probably the latter, and continued on with a smile.

____________________________________________________________

The day that nobody ever thought would get there finally arrived. The big day. Breda had had his last night of freedom, and the bodies strewn about his living room floor in various states of dress would attest to the fun that was had. The bodies were slow to get moving, but one by one they rose, took quick showers and tried to down enough aspirin to get rid of the headaches that were threatening to split their skulls apart.

Havoc, ever the slouch, was the last to wake up. He found himself groggily shaking himself awake, draped over the couch, one useless leg falling out of the blanket and off the side of the couch, dragging the floor. He had always been a little too tall for his own good, and this was no exception. He was way too long for Breda's small piece of furniture.

It was the time of day that Havoc dreaded the most. He felt so fucking helpless, not able to do any of the simplest things in life- like getting to the sink to wash and brush himself, getting in and out of the shower, and getting dressed. That was time of day that he felt the most useless, and the reason that he was usually in a bad mood the rest of the day. Having to rely on others to get you up and ready for the day, showing him how little you could really do, was his constant reminder, his curse, his reason for enduring the pain of trying to get better.

Havoc was very glad when he, and everyone else, had gotten their tuxedos on and were ready to head out to the parade grounds for the wedding. It had been easy convincing the Fuhrer that he would be safer staying on the military base where it would be easier to guard him, and besides, this was a military wedding. Breda was a Major, and Janet worked as a civilian on the base- in the telephone department, under Fuery. The guest list had gotten a bit out of hand, less because of the bride and groom and more because of people that a certain very important person in their party had to invite. Roy had been very apologetic, and even helped with a lot of the costs caused by his addendum to the guest list, but they had been very understanding. They had figured with the President in the wedding party things would be- unusual to say the least.

The limo that the wedding party- minus the Fuhrer, who had to adjourn back to his fiancee and home early in the evening- was the first that most of them had been in, including Havoc. Even after almost 3 years in a chair, he was still getting used to not being the one driving. He had enjoyed the time that he drove Mustang, and even Ed around. I gave him a great excuse to lounge outside on beautiful days and smoke as much as he wanted. Which reminded him, in all the excitement he hadn't had anything to smoke, and he didn't take a pack with him. He sighed. so far this was turning out to be a somewhat lousy day.

________________________________________________________________

Everything had been wonderful. Janet looked stunning in her gown of pure white- a strapless dress that hung off her narrow shoulders and accentuated her tiny waist (How did such a big guy find such a petite woman? Havoc wondered). Her long, chestnut brown hair was perfect, falling over her shoulders and down her back. Her brown eyes shone with moisture as they traded vows. There was not a dry eye in the house by the time it was over, and the newly married couple shared their first kiss, and their first walk together down the aisle as husband and wife. Havoc hoped that the jealousy that was stewing deep in his heart couldn't be read thru the smile that was plastered on his face.

It took a while to get everyone settled and the food served under a large white tent on the parade ground. Havoc, as the best man, shared a table with Mustang, Fuery, Falman, Armstrong, and Al- the other groomsmen. He knew that it was time to start making speeches, and the first one was going to him. He raised his glass and used a spoon to clink on it a few times, hushing the crowd. Havoc took a deep breath, put his glass down and steadied himself by placing his palms flat on the table.

"I never thought I would see alot of things in my life." He started, his arms starting to shake. He put his weight on the table and started to push upwards. "I never thought I would be confined to a chair." His body moved upwards a little. Despite the looks of surprise, and concern, he continued. "I never thought my colonel would really make it to Fuhrer and make this a wonderful place to live." He leaned forward a little, sweat forming on his brow as he continued to speak while moving towards a standing position. "I never thought I would see three people who are very special to me plan to get married." He stopped for a moment, catching his balance. Fuery, to his left, had already knocked his chair back and was standing up, moving to his side. Falman, on his right was doing the same. Breda, with a look somewhere between 'I am about to get run over' and 'I am so happy he could burst', was starting to stand as well. "And I never thought that miracles could happen." He ducked his head down, his strength quickly leaving him. He knew he had to do this fast before he collapsed. His legs were not ready to support his weight again, not yet. Quickly, he took his glass with one unsteady hand, raised it a few inches, and said "To new beginnings." He let out a deep sigh and wasn't able to put his glass down fast enough before he had to drop it to the table and collapse, crumpling back like a lump into his chair.


	4. The Longest Day

By the time Havoc woke back up, he was in a familiar setting- a room at the Central infirmary. His eyes went wide. For just a split second he wondered if the last 3 years had been a dream. His heart was filled with hope for the briefest of moments- then he tried to move his legs, with no success. His heart sank, and his face darkened. He sighed and rubbed his temples lightly.

"You are awake, Jean. Good to see ya back." Havoc shook his head, clearing the last of the sleepy cobwebs from his brain and forced his eyes to focus on where the voice was coming from. It was Breda, and he was still in his tuxedo.

"Oh good." Havoc said miserably. "I ruined your wedding. You couldn't even leave without worrying about me. I am sorry." Havoc's shoulder's slumped, and his face was the picture of misery.

"It isn't like that at all, Jean. Janet was just as worried as I was about you. Contrary to popular belief, she likes you. She isn't jealous of the time I get to hang out with you. That is just one of the many reasons I love her so much. She is actually waiting outside the room. She figured we should talk alone when you woke up."

"About.. what I did?"

"Yeah. That was amazing. I don't know if you remember the looks on everyone's faces. You bumped your head pretty bad, and the doc wasn't sure if you had lost your memory or what." Havoc silently nodded and reached up to feel the bandage going around his head- hissing in pain at his own touch, and the dull ache that was entering his brain.

"I.. wanted to do more. I am sorry."

"Are you kidding?! You stood up!" Breda's voice got more louder, higher, more animated. "What you did was something we never thought we would see. It was great. It was definitely the best wedding present a friend could get."

"Ah, I better take back that silverware I got you then!" Havoc managed a small, familiar smirk of a smile. It was infectious, and Breda just had to laugh at his goofy friend.

"You better not, Janet loves that pattern! Good job picking that out."

"Thank my ma. She saw it, and suggested that you guys would like it."

"I will next time I see her."

He only spent a couple of days in the hospital. When the doctors were sure that he had no worse than a really ugly looking bump, they discharged him. Breda had wanted to see his friend off, but Havoc had insisted that they go on their honeymoon, that Armstrong would be fine to escort him back to the train station. Breda was worried that Havoc would be traveling by himself, but he insisted that it was a short trip, and his parents were going to meet him at the station when he arrived home, so it would be fine. Reluctantly, Breda agreed.

It was a thankfully uneventful trip home, but as Havoc had feared, his parents had become quite worried when they saw the bandages on his head. He took the entirety of the trip from the train station to home to explain everything that had happened those few days.

"That is just like you, Jean. You just always have to make a scene, don't you son?" his father joked.

"Dad!"

_________________________________________________________________________________

Havoc quickly settled back into his routine of boring days, peppered with the excruciating and lingering pain of physiotherapy, and the intense boredom that came with a lack of mobility.

Winter arrived, and the all too familiar ache in Havoc's bones came along with it. He cursed the cold for making him feel even more miserable than he already was. The Xingian doctor had noticed, and commented, that his progress was slowing over the colder months. Because of that, he worked Havoc even harder, making Havoc ache more, and making him more miserable. It was a vicious cycle.

Even with the slow down in progress, Havoc was rather proud in how far he had come. He could pull himself up to a standing position, and hold it there for a few minutes at a time, with a railing or something to hold onto. It wasn't too much, but it was more than he had before.

What Havoc had in his legs couldn't be called true feeling, but it was a prickly sensation, like when an appendage goes to sleep and the circulation needs to start back up, except that is what it felt like day in and day out to him.

He tried to take a step once during a particularly productive session, with disastrous results. The twisted ankle had been puffy and ugly for a week afterward, and even with little feeling it seemed to ache softly. Havoc wasn't sure if he should be happy that he felt it or mad at himself for trying something so stupid. But he had a promise to keep, and it seemed to him that a snail's pace would be faster than how he was progressing.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Winter broke, and the days started to get longer, and warmer. Havoc knew the time was short before spring finally arrived, and with it was coming another wedding. He had already received the invitation, which was only a formality considering he was one of the groomsman.

Havoc sighed, snuffing his cigarette on the armrest of his chair, a bad habit he had picked up recently, and rolled back into the house. If there had been any way to weasel out of this wed, along with his Xing physiotherapy for things he wanted to do. But it was his colonel- no- the Fuhrer, and he was in the wedding party.

This was already going to be an unusual wedding- most everyone alive in Amestris had only lived through two Fuherships, and both of them had been married before coming to office, so a Fuhrer having a wedding was new to most everyone. Add to that the fact that Mustang was not going to have a best man. The only man he would have wanted for the job had been dead for over four years now. Maes Hughes was going to be the Best Man in absentia, and Gracia and the now 9 year old Elysia were given places of honor in the wedding party.

Breda came to visit as spring arrived. Janet was with her, and she seemed- different for some reason. She didn't look different physically, but she.. just radiate happiness even more than before. Even as unobservant as Havoc could be from time to time, he noticed it, and at the first opportunity he could, he pulled Breda away to ask.

"What is going on with Janet? She looks happier than usual." Havoc asked during one of his frequent cigarettes breaks outside the front of the house.

"Oh, nothing, nothing." Breda smiled, holding his hands up. "So, it is nice that we are finally getting some warmer weather, huh?"

"Come on, Breda. Don't change the subject on me. I am not that dumb. I know something is different." He got a worried look on his face. "Are you sure everything is alright? You can tell me. I would like to think you consider me your best friend."

Breda sighed. "There ya go, playing the 'best friend' card. You know I can't resist that." Havoc snubbed out the cigarette but stayed still, waiting for his friend to continue. "Okay, well, I wasn't gonna tell anyone yet, but... well.. " Breda turned a deep red.

"Out with it, man!"

"We are going to have a baby. Janet is pregnant!"

"I.. need another cigarette." Havoc just smiled.

______________________________________________________________________________

The Xingian doctor definitely noticed the change that came about in Havoc as the weather turned and after he was visited by his friends. He redoubled his efforts to learn to stand and walk. He was hoping to be able to walk down the aisle for his Furher's wedding, but that was seeming like more and more of an impossible task.

Havoc tried not to let that depress him, although late at night, when he had little else to do but let his mind wander, he would think about all the things that he had missed, all the little parts of life that he could no longer do, and tears would come unbidden to his eyes.

By the time Breda came back to take Havoc back to Central for the wedding, Havoc was able to stand for while with a couple of canes, and he had even tried to take a step or two, although it was risky at best. He had twisted and folded his ankles several times trying, and he had decided that walking was going to just have to wait a little longer.

"Hey Breda!" Havoc shakily stood up on the to canes that he permanently carried with him now. Even though Breda had seen him stand before, it never ceased to amaze the man at how far Havoc had come in these few years.

"Hey, Havoc! I almost forgot how tall you were!" he joked. Havoc smiled and straightened up.

"It isn't my fault you are short! Just be glad I don't have a free hand to punch you with!" It was so nice for Breda to see his friend's smile again, a smile that had been absent for so long. It had taken many years, but his life was starting to resort to some semblance of normalcy.

Breda just laughed. "Well, let's get ready. The train waits for no one."

______________________________________________________________________________

A few days later, Havoc had settled back into life at Central again. He was staying with Breda and Janet, who had recently started to show a bit in the belly. Havoc joked that she was going to have as round of a stomach as Breda, which earned him a rather dirty look.

Havoc hardly saw Mustang or Hawkeye until the day of the wedding, which was probably a good thing. The less he thought about losing Hawkeye forever, the better- he thought.

When the day of the wedding came. When the new Fuhrer walked into the room where the men were changing into their tuxedos, Havoc shakily stood up, leaning hard on the wall beside him, and managed a quick and awkward salute before he had to sit back down quickly in his chair.

Mustang stood agape for a moment. He had heard from Breda that Havoc could stand, but without seeing it for himself, it was a bit hard to believe. And there is was, for just a few moments in time, his Lt. was standing in front of him, saluting like years ago.

It took a moment for Mustang to come out of his thoughts and salute back. By that time, Breda was helping Havoc get situated comfortably again. "Nice to see you back, Havoc." Mustang said formally, but with the all too familiar smiling smirk on his face. "I forgot how tall you were." Breda beamed, and Havoc shot him a deathly look. "I am still waiting for you, you know."

"And you know I will be there, chief. Just gimme a little more time."

Mustang smiled, a rare, true and happy smile, and put his hand on Havoc's shoulder. "I know you will, Jean. I know you will."

_________________________________________________________________________________

The wedding was a good one. There were a few surprised looks after Havoc was wheeled by Breda down the aisle and put into his assigned place among the groomsman, he took his canes and stood when Hawkeye came down the aisle. He surprised everyone, including himself, that he was able to stand for the whole ceremony, though by the end of it he was feeling absolutely drained of all his energy. But it had been worth it.

When Hawkeye had walked down the aisle, looking more ravishing, more beautiful that Havoc had ever seen him before, he had to fight to keep the moisture from his eyes. It was a strange combinations of feelings that rushed through him. He was sad to see her marrying another man, and a man he respected and trusted so loyally.

But he was so proud of her and happy for her as well. No one loved her as much as Roy did, not even himself. And he knew that, whether he wanted to admit it or not. They were so perfect for each other, their better halves.

He bit his lip when they shared their first kiss as man or wife. His legs felt weak under him, his knees buckling slightly. His knuckles whitened, his nails digging deep into the soft wood of the canes under his hands.

At the reception, since there wasn't a best man, the groomsman, all of of them, took turns making sort speeches, most of which were poorly veiled attempts to make a fool of the Fuhrer by telling embarrassing stories. Havoc couldn't resist telling about the time that the former colonel was fighting the alchemist killer Scar in the rain and Hawkeye had to kick him out of the way because his fire alchemy didn't work in the rain, which got a nice laugh.

Mustang and his new bride left the party soon afterward, and the rest of the party dissipated eventually. Breda, Janet, and Havoc head back to their house at the end of the evening.

"That was a pretty nice day, wasn't it, Jean?" Janet asked, while Breda was busy driving the car down the still busy streets of Central.

"Oh.. yeah." he said, rather absentmindedly. "I guess so." He sighed softly, simply  
happy that this long day was finally almost over.


	5. Changes

Time seemed to move at a snail's pace after Havoc returned to the East. The Xingian doctor continued to work daily on trying to revive more feeling to his lower extremities, but there seemed to be little improvement, even after several months of intense therapy. Havoc quickly fell back into the funk that had plagued him during the cold winter months, eating less and not sleeping well. As much as his parents tried to help him, he seemed to be losing his faith that things would ever get better.

One morning, while his mother was making breakfast, Havoc was picking idly at his fingernails, and staring deeply into the wooden table. His mind had been wandering to places that he'd rather it not go, when his mother quickly interrupted his thoughts.

"Jean, your friend called while you were out at therapy. I was talking to him for a while, and he said he is going to come visit. He said he won't have much time to visit you soon, so this may be his last chance for a while. He seemed pretty anxious to come see you, and I couldn't turn him down. He is such a nice young man. You could learn a few things from him. But I didn't ask why he was running out of time, though."

Havoc just inwardly smiled, thinking about the 'things' that Breda had taught him in their frequent poker nights after they became quick friends under Mustang's command- drinking and smoking had only been two of the minor ones. "Oh, he and his wife are gonna have a baby, Ma." Havoc sighed, regretting what he had said the moment the words left his mouth. He knew what was coming now.

"It is a shame we can't find you a nice girl, Jean."

Havoc started to roll his chair backwards, away from the table. "Ma, please. Can we not start with this?" he snapped.

She sighed softly and turned back to where she was cutting up vegetables for an omelet. "You can't 'not start with it' forever Jean. One of these days you are going to find the right person. And when you do, you will know." He was pretty surprised that she had let it slide that quickly. Usually when she got on those tangents it was impossible to quiet her down until she was done with everything that she had to say -- and there was usually a lot. But better to not look a gift horse in the mouth, he figured.

"Yes, Ma."

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A couple of days later, Havoc was patiently waiting at the train station when Breda arrived, passing the time by using the railings of the walkway to lift himself out of the chair and into an almost standing position, seeing how long he could hold it before he had to sit back down again. That was how Breda found his friend, almost at his full height, and a wide grin crossed the shorter man's face.

"Still tryin' to show off there, Jean?"

Havoc just smiled and sank back into his seat, glad for an excuse to stop. His arm muscles were burning, even from just doing those exercises a few minutes. "Well, the doc tells me that I need to keep up my upper body strength, and I get pretty uncomfortable just sitting all the time. It is nice to see the world from a taller point of view."

"Hey! Was that a short joke at my expense? It isn't my fault you are monstrously tall."

"I am just glad I can see the world from that angle again. You don't know how much you miss it till you can't see it any more."

Breda clapped his friend hard on the back, causing him to almost spill forward off his chair. "I am just glad that ya can too, bud."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

"So, what brings you to this podunk little town? I am sure it isn't my charm and charisma!" Havoc sarcastically joked while Breda steered the Havoc family car back home.

"Actually, I came here with a proposal." Breda replied, while trying to maneuver down a particularly bumpy road. Havoc had to bite his lip so he didn't laugh at his friend's shaky voice. "I have been talking quite a bit with the guys. We all agree that you need to come back to Central with us."

"Central?" Havoc made a dismissive noise. "What in the hell would I do in Central? Sit on a corner and beg for change all day? At least here I have a family to come home to and a roof over my head! I don't have a job. I can't support myself. Hell, I don't even know if I could live on my own. I have come a long way, but I am still pretty helpless sometimes." Breda cringed at the acidic tone his friend's voice took on.

"You know that you have a roof over your head when you come to Central, no matter how long you stay. You are always welcome to stay with Janet and me."

Havoc shrugged, his voice and demeanor calming a bit. "Yeah, but you guys are gonna have a full house soon, and another even hungrier mouth to feed than mine. There is no way I am going to put you out like that. It is hard enough having one baby to take care of." He crossed his arms, his mood soured.

Breda just smiled and parked the car, letting it idle while they finished their conversation. "Don't you worry about that. We still have a few months to figure out all the arrangements. I am sure that we can find a place for you to stay after we get you situated in town." He laid his arm over the front seat and looked back over his shoulder, a big smile on his face. "Besides, you are gonna be a godparent soon, so you need to be close by in case we need you to baby sit!" He laughed and turned the car off, getting out of the front seat and grabbing Havoc's chair. He couldn't help but grin goofily at the mouth agape, glassy eyed stare that Havoc was giving him while he transferred from the car to the chair.

"Godparent?"

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Mmmm. This is great, Mrs. Havoc! Thanks!"

"Heymans, how many times have I told you, you can call me Susan, or Ma?"

"Sorry, ma'am. I can't help it."

Havoc's mother smiled and waved a spoon at her son. "You military boys are always so polite. They certainly straightened you out, Jean."

"Ma!" Jean whined.

Breda just laughed, and put down his sandwich. "Ma'am, I was just discussing something with Hav -- I mean Jean." He flashed Havoc a wicked smile, which was returned with a death glare that would curdle milk.

"I was telling him that all of his friends back in Central miss him, and that we were all hoping that he would come back to Central with us. He already has a place to stay with Janet and me as long as he needs to. Oh yeah, and I didn't get around to telling him this, but the Fuhrer is personally seeing to it that he has a job in Central Command."

Havoc's mother turned from where she was washing dishes in the sink to face the table, a soft smile on her face. "Jean, you know that your father and I will support you in whatever you do. I worry about your independence, but I know you can't live the rest of your life here. I have seen how restless you have become. You are stifled here. This is such a small town, and Central is so big, it has so many new opportunities that you just can't get in a little country town."

"Ma, I-"

A serious look crossed her face. "Jean, hush and listen." She walked over, put a hand on his shoulder, and gently kissed the top of his head. "I know Heymans is a good man, and his wife as well. I haven't met the rest of your friends, but I am sure they are fine individuals. I have seen how your friend the Fuhrer has brought us peace after so much war. He seems like a good man as well. I know they wouldn't be your friends otherwise."

Havoc smiled, blushing slightly at the kiss from his mother, in front of his best friend. "They are all great people, Ma. Mustang once told me that he was going to wait for me at the top. I brushed it off after he said it, and for a while I didn't think much about it. But as time went on, I found that I wanted to meet him there. I never thought I would really get the chance to, but this may be it."

"So you want to do this, Jean?" Breda asked, hopefully, unconsciously leaning forward in his chair, his hands gripping the wooden table.

Havoc sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "Hmm. Paperwork, I am guessing, Right? That is what he is gonna have me do once I get to Central. Am I correct, Breda?"

Breda sadly nodded. "I know, Jean. It isn't perfect. But at least you will still be at Central Command, on the same floor as the rest of us. We will be close by, and I am sure that we will be able to make plenty of excuses to come see you.

Havoc sighed, rubbing his temples. "Can I smoke a cigarette and have a few minutes to think about it?"

Breda nodded and smiled. He stood up and started to walk over to where Breda was. "Sure thing Boss, I will take you out there."

"I got it bud," Havoc smiled softly. "I'll do it alone. I'll be back in a few minutes." Havoc rolled back and out the door of the kitchen, towards the front of the house.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A short time later, Havoc wheeled himself back into the kitchen and found Breda helping his mother finish cleaning the dishes. They were chatting amicably about how harsh the winters were in the East as compared to the relatively mild Central winters with only a few days of snow a year.

They both turned back to the door with large smiles on their faces when they heard the squeak of his wheels, desperately in need of oiling.

"Heya, Chief!" Breda splashed water on the floor as he raised his hand in greeting. "So what's the good news?"

Havoc sighed. He tried to look serious, but he couldn't help the small smile that made its way across the corners of his mouth. "So, you say my godchild is gonna need me to be close by, eh?"

Havoc's mother stared blankly at Havoc, and then at Breda, whose smile almost impossibly just got wider.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Arrangements were made fairly quickly and less than a month later Havoc was boarding the train with Breda at his side to travel back to Central, for good this time.

Havoc tried as hard as he could to keep the tears out of his eyes, but his throat closed up and his breath was hitched when he saw his mother's tears. His father held her tight, letting go only briefly to give his only child a huge bear hug. "Now, son," he said, "we are proud of you for doing this. But if it ever gets to be too much, just call us. We can come visit, or come to take you back if we need to. I know it is going to be tough, but we have faith that you can do it."

His mom leaned over and smothered him with kisses over his face and head, her tears dampening his skin slightly. "Be good, son. Don't give Heymans or Janet trouble, and please thank Fuhrer Mustang and his staff for all of their help. I baked him these." She put a little basket on the blanket on his lap.

"Oh, man! Are those your famous chocolate chip cookies, ma'am?" Breda's eyes lit up. Havoc's mom smiled and gently slapped at the hand that was quickly advancing towards the lid of the basket. Breda did his best to put on a pouting face, but it had no effect.

"Heymans, there is a small batch for you and Janet. I left a few out so you guys will have some to munch on, on the train. The large batch at the bottom is for the Fuhrer and his staff. You can eat the ones I left out, but you are not to touch the rest. Got it, boys?" She adopted a stern tone, but her softness bled thru.

Two voices said in unison, "Yes, Ma."

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next week was a blur for Jean Havoc. Between getting settled in at Breda's little cottage on the outskirts of downtown, and visiting with the Fuhrer at Central Command, he hardly found time to do much else. Any thought that he had that week about continuing his strength exercises, like his Xingian doctor had ordered him to, were filed away at the back of his brain in a flurry of activity.

When he tried to lift himself out of his seat to reach something that was just out of his reach and found that he couldn't do it. He was getting tired quicker and his body ached more. He realized how important the exercises were, even after stopping for only a short time.

"Hello, Master Xao, sir. This is Jean Havoc."

"Yes, I got to Central fine, thank you."

"No, there were no problems."

"Yes, sir."

"Yes, well... that is what I called you about, sir."

"Yes, sir. I have been getting weaker..."

"No, sir."

"No, I haven't been exercising as much. I have been busy, sir."

"No, sir."

"You have someone for me to talk to, sir? Okay."

"Yes, I have a piece of paper, go ahead."

"Three days, 11:00 AM, Central Command gym. Got it."

"Yes, sir."

"Thank you, sir."

"Goodbye."

He hung up the phone and sighed. "What am I getting myself into, now?"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Havoc wasn't even sure why he had butterflies in his stomach the morning that he was dropped off at Central Command to meet the new trainer that his Xingian doctor had set up for him. There was some little nagging feeling deep in his gut that told him that something odd was going to happen, but he had no idea what or why.

He had arrived at Central Command in plenty of time, since he wasn't sure how long it would take him to get changed. It was a familiar route he took down the long, straight hallways of the dull gray building that he had known so well. How many times had he come to this gym in the past, to work off the frustration of another girlfriend lost to Mustang?

"How ironic," he muttered to an empty hallway. "Mustang is finally out of the picture, and I am out of commission. Someone has a seriously sick sense of humor about my love life."

It ended up taking him a lot longer than he thought to get changed and ready for the gym, and by the time he was dressed, he was already sweaty and tired, and ready to call that his workout. Reluctantly, he rolled out into the gym, and was glad to see that it was almost empty. There didn't appear to be anyone looking for someone, so he figured that he still beat them here, even with the delays. The gym was really not much more than a large, high-ceilinged, square building that had different sections laid out with various types of workout equipment, and a large oval track painted around the perimeter.

Havoc rolled himself over to some mats that had been laid over the cold concrete floor. He awkwardly transitioned to the ground, leaving his chair at the edge of the mat, and situated himself next to a few sets of dumbbells.

"Might as well look good for the new guy, I guess. I don't wanna seem like a total bum." He took a couple of weights and started to do curls with them.

He didn't even notice when someone came up from behind him and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. It was all he could do to not jump out of his skin. He yelped and dropped the dumbbells, narrowly avoiding dropping them onto his useless legs. He swung his head around to see who was there, inwardly cursing that with his halt in military training, his honed reflexes were dulling. Normally he would have been aware of someone so close.

"Oh, I am sorry. I didn't mean to startle you, Jean." The voice, it sounded so familiar. He knew it, but his mind wouldn't let him place it. As his head came around to see who was behind the voice, his eyes got wide, and his jaw dropped.

The dark hair...

The blue eyes...

The soft smile...

He knew who it was.

"M-m-aria?"


	6. Broken

Shock couldn't begin to describe the look on Havoc's face when he turned around and saw Maria Ross standing there.

Ross smiled, blushing slightly and flashing a sweet smile as she looked down at Havoc. "Yes. I am going to be your trainer. While I was in Xing, I learned a lot about their medicine. When I was a kid, I always wanted to be a nurse, but I was squeamish around blood. Obviously that wouldn't work. But the Xingian doctors don't work with blood. They use natural techniques, and I have seen it work wonders."

Havoc sighed softly and then said, "There is no wonder miracle for me, Ross." He looked down at his legs sadly, and then glanced sideways over to his chair, a couple of feet away. "The doctors, they can help me stand, but I will never walk, and I will never feel anything again below here." He made a slashing motion against his gut for emphasis.

Her smile faded slightly, and she kneeled down, almost eye to eye with him as she said, "Well, that may be, but that doesn't mean that I can't try to make your life a little better. I have a program that the Xing doctors helped me design. It combines physical therapy for upper body strength, which you have already been doing, combined with a technique called acupuncture that helps with blood flow, muscles, and nerve function. There is also a regimen of exercises that help the balance of both your body and your mind. It is called yoga."

He cocked his head, raising an eyebrow as he replied, "Sounds kinda... weird to me. Master Xao mostly worked with me physically, although he had some weird herbs he used. A lot of them smelled kinda funny, but they felt nice. The guy would wear me out. I would be in there so long sometimes we would miss lunch." He patted his stomach. "And I don't like to miss any meals." He flashed her a goofy grin.

She smiled back, feeling a little better and relaxing a bit when she saw just a tiny bit of the old Havoc that she had known what seemed like forever ago. "I don't plan on making you miss any meals, Jean. I don't think the sessions are going to be that long, since we will be meeting every day at first." She stood back up, reaching for a bag that he hadn't even noticed that she had beside her. "I am going to prescribe some exercises that you are going to need to do every day. But I think Master Xao had you do that as well, didn't he?"

"Um... yeah... right." Havoc nodded dumbly. He was still having trouble wrapping his head around the concept that Maria Ross was here, standing right in front of him. And when the hell had she gotten so pretty?

Maria grinned and blushed at the hard stare that Havoc was giving her. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and praying that she hadn't figured out why his eyes had been boring right through her. "Oh, I am sorry. I didn't mean to stare," he stammered. "It is just... well... it's good to see you again, Ross."

"Just call me Maria, Jean."

"Um... okay. Maria."

She smiled and took a couple of things out of the bag, then sat down next to him. "Since this is our first session and it looks like you have been here a while, you are already sweating, we will make this session a short one." Havoc breathed a long sigh of relief. "I didn't bring my acupuncture needles, so we will do a little physical therapy. You should be used to that. How does that sound?"

Havoc absentmindedly nodded again. He was trying as hard as he could not to stare at the shapely black shirt that she was wearing, a light number with a plunging neckline that showed tantalizingly little cleavage, just enough to tease. Jean gulped audibly and Ross gave him a confused look for a moment, then shrugged and smiled, sitting at the end of Havoc's outstretched legs.

"Okay, good," she said. She gently held the bottoms of Havoc's feet with a hand, straightening them out fully. "This is going to be an exercise in muscle building. You will need another person for this, so you may not be able to do it at home, but I will show you how it should be done anyway."

She took each of his feet and gently pressed them backwards and up towards his body, using the pressure to cause the knee to bend into its natural position. She pushed them about halfway back and held them there for a few seconds, then pulled them forward again and set them down, straight legged back down on the mat.

"I can tell that you have lost a lot of muscle mass in your legs. That is why standing is tougher on you than it should be. Even though you can't feel them, your legs should still be able to support a little bit of your weight and keep you balanced, but right now, they can't. When we increase your upper body strength, and improve the muscle mass on your legs, then you should be able to stand for much longer periods of time, and maybe even with less to support you."

A small grin spread across Havoc's face. "That would be nice. I wish I could walk, but even standing is awful good. For a long time I didn't even think I would be able to do that."

"I can't promise any miracles Jean, but I do promise that I will do all that I can to make you as independent as possible." She smiled sweetly, and Havoc could have sworn that he felt his heart skip a beat.

"I know, Maria. I know." It was all he could do just to smile weakly back at her and hope that she didn't notice his racing heartbeat, and she thought that the sweat was from the workout.

________________________________________________________________________

Arrangements had been made after a few sessions for Ross to come to Breda's house for the daily exercise routine. It was a lot less taxing on Jean to not have to travel any more than he had to, and the morning sessions meant that he could have plenty of time to shower and get ready at home before heading to work in the afternoon.

The first time that Ross came to the Breda household, Heymans was already at work, and  
Janet was lying down, as she hadn't been feeling well the last couple of days. This was going to be the first time that he was going to get acupuncture, and he was worried because that meant seeing him with his shirt off. He hadn't even let Breda or Janet see the scars that marked his body as one of the fallen soldiers.

Havoc sat on the mat that he had purchased for the daily routine, a well padded blue rectangle that made the long sitting times much more bearable. "Come on, Jean. I have seen some terrible things in my time. A few scars won't scare me."

Havoc sighed and took off his black t-shirt, silently wishing that he had remembered to ask for a smoke break first to calm his nerves. He had been trying to cut back and he knew that Ross, like his old Xingian doctor, didn't approve, but she knew he needed them from time to time.

And now was one of those times.

As much as Ross tried to remain stoic, she couldn't help the little gasp that came out of her when she saw his body. There were a lot of little scars, on his shoulders and upper arms where he had been nicked by bullets and grazed by weapons, but nothing too bad. About two thirds of the way down, just above his where his belly button would have been was a large mound of angry, pink, scarred flesh. It was knotty and ribbony, already well healed but not fading away. It would be there for the rest of his life, yet another reminder of what he lost.

She reached out and delicately touched a single finger to the middle of the scarred tissue. It was almost rubbery, and soft, despite its fierce appearance. It looked a lot worse than it felt. Havoc's breath hitched for just a moment and he closed his eyes, fighting down the lump in his throat.

Almost in the dead center of the scar, she could see the small pucker of flesh that constituted the entry point of the Ultimate Lance's deadly nails, the ones that took so much from this young man. There was another, smaller entry scar where the second blade had done less damage, nicking his spleen and kidneys.

"It... isn't that bad, Jean," she stammered.

Havoc opened his eyes and stared deeply into her dark blue eyes and then said, "Don't lie to me. It is. And the scars on my back are worse. The burn is there too, and the incisions where they opened me up and tried to fix me. I am a broken toy, Maria. Sitting at the bottom of the toy chest, just waiting for someone to find me and throw me away."

Ross sniffled, not trying to hold back the wetness in her eyes. "You aren't broken, Jean. You are injured, but you are strong. If you weren't strong you wouldn't be going through all the pain of rehabilitation, you would have just given up and lived at home the rest of your life, having people waiting on you. That is a broken toy. Not you." There was sadness in her voice, but anger as well. She hadn't even realized that she had been clenching her fists.

He sighed, and looked down at his scars again. "I really need a cigarette Maria."

"Yeah, let's take a break and cool down for a few minutes. Hell, I am beginning to think *I* need one." She cracked a small smile, and to her relief, he returned it. He put his shirt back on and transferred back to his chair, and she pushed him out to the front porch for a smoke.

________________________________________________________________________

The first time that Havoc felt the tingling sensation of the acupuncture needles piercing his skin, it was an unnerving experience, in more than one way. Even after four years, he was extraordinarily sensitive about what touched his skin, especially sharp objects.

His whole body went rigid when she held the half inch long needle up for him to look at. He started to sweat and his pulse raced. He wanted to get up and just run away, but the logical part of his brain knew that if he wanted to improve, he needed to trust her. And what reason didn't he have to trust her? They were both former soldiers that had been reinstated. They had been co-workers, and perhaps not friends, but at least acquaintances. They had a lot in common and he knew deep down that she wasn't going to hurt her.

Maria Ross wasn't going to hurt him, but *SHE* had.

Nails like daggers, straight through him, cutting him like a knife through butter. His mind flashed back to the foul smell of death and charred flesh in the air, the searing white-hot pain and then nothing.

"Jean... Jean... are you okay? You look pale." He hadn't even noticed that she had been talking to him for a few moments. He shook his head gently.

"Yeah... I think so. It is just that... well I guess I have just developed a fear of needles," he said and smirked, relying on the same self-deprecating humor he'd had in the past.

Ross gently put her hand on his, rubbing lightly. "I promise you, Jean. I will not hurt you. The feeling differs from person to person. Some people don't feel anything at all. Others say it just feels like a light mosquito bite. But the needles hardly break the skin. Please, trust me."

Havoc nodded slowly and lay down on the mat, the cool plastic outer cover on his back  
making him shiver.

At least that is what he told himself.

He closed his eyes tightly and nodded his head. If he was going to do this, he didn't want to look. One heartbeat, then two, then more. He breathed in slowly and breathed out like she had shown him. He hadn't felt anything yet. What was she waiting for? Wasn't she going to prick him already?

He cracked one eye open and looked down, more than slightly surprised that he already saw several needles poking out of him. His stomach sank for just a moment, flashes of memories coming back to him again. He took a deep breath and held it, trying to push it out of his mind, trying to calm down. He didn't even notice how badly his hands were shaking, although Maria did.

He closed his eyes again. Breathe in. Breathe out. He focused on the breathing. Calm the body, calm the mind. That is what Ross had said. Calm... calm...

His mind swam, he felt almost fluid, like his body was more liquid than solid. Somewhere deep in the back of his mind he felt a light prick, then another. It didn't hurt, it just relaxed him, made him feel even less corporeal. He tried to open his eyes, but he was too tired, too relaxed to move. He could have been there two minutes or two hours, he wasn't really sure, and for some reason he really didn't seem to care. He finally heard a voice, sounding like it came from a across the room.

"You can open your eyes now if you want, Jean. They are all in."

He hesitated for a second, not sure if he really wanted to see or not. He blinked, adjusting his eyes to the light again and looked down. For just a brief moment his breath caught. It was more than a little disconcerting to see needles sticking out of various parts of his body, but there was no pain.

Ross smiled. "Let me point out some of these points. It may help you relax a little more." She smiled and kneeled at the ends of his outstretched legs. "These needles in the bottom of your feet are for your kidneys that were also damaged. This one on your big toe is for your spleen, which I know was injured as well." She pointed out a few needles on the tops of his feet. "These are for various vertebrae, including ones above and below where you were injured."

Havoc nodded. He couldn't even begin to understand this. All he knew is that at least for a short time, he felt just a little bit better. He still had no more feeling that he had before, but at least his body ached less.

She came over and gently touched his hand, making him shiver lightly. "These are for pain in your middle and lower back. I know it hurts there. You are strong, and you will never admit it, but I see the medications that you take. Those are strong pain killers."

He closed his eyes and nodded. "I don't talk about it to anyone, not even my parents. There were times, at the beginning, where I woke up in so much pain that if I had had the pills close by, I might have swallowed them all." He heard her soft gasp. "Over time, the pain dulled to a soft ache. I try not to think about it, and most of the time I can push it to the back of my mind, but sometimes when I am in bed, and I have nothing else on my mind, it is almost too much."

Her hand gently rubbed his for a moment more and then she drew away. "You were drifting off for about fifteen minutes. I am only going to leave them in for about five more minutes. I want to start off will a shorter session. We can leave them in longer another time."

Havoc opened his eyes and smiled up at her. "Is this... normal? The way I feel? For a while, I felt almost liquid and then I was a lot more relaxed."

Ross grinned and nodded her head. "Yeah, that is pretty normal. Like I said before, it affects people differently, but that isn't unusual, what you are describing. It is quite normal."

"Hah, normal," Havoc scoffed. "I am anything but normal."

"You may not be like everyone else, but sometimes that isn't a bad thing," Ross said as she blushed just a little bit. He caught her smiling before she turned her head away.

Havoc wondered if maybe these sessions wouldn't be so bad after all.


	7. Meetings

There was a general routine that Havoc had settled into quite well. Although now, things took him so much longer than they used to, and there was much more to do, which left him with precious little free time during the day.

He would wake up around eight o'clock, about when he used to in order to get ready for work at nine. Doing the necessities of life weren't as quick, and by the time he relived the morning pressure, had breakfast with Breda and Janet, got a shower, and got dressed, it was already close to ten.

By then, it was time for his morning therapy routine, which lasted until about lunch time, when Janet, who was now permanently home until after she had the baby, would fix him lunch, then another shower before work and the arduous task of putting on his dress blues, which definitely hadn't been designed for someone in a wheelchair, and calling the driver to take him to Central Command.

In the evening, he would come home and eat the leftovers of whatever Janet had made for dinner, and do some a short series of light therapy, which he found helped him fall asleep pretty fast. It wasn't a very exciting life, or a very social life, but for right now it was all he had.

On a typical morning, Havoc was in the living room, where a corner had been graciously donated to the various exercise equipment that he had gathered. He had just started the calisthenics routine that Ross had taught him over the last week's worth of sessions. He heard a knock at the door, but didn't think much about it. Janet's doctor had been visiting quite often recently, making house calls to the soon to be new parents.

He shrugged and started back on his exercises -- repetitions on lifting his dumbbells -- when he thought that he heard a familiar voice. He smiled and shook his head, guessing that he must be imagining things. He had done a couple of more dumbbell repetitions when he heard the front door close again and Breda stuck his head around the corner and into the room.

"Hey, Havo. Come here, bud... " He had a huge grin on his face, the kind of grin that told Havoc that he knew something. Something big. That sent his stomach falling. He nodded, and did one more rep, then put the dumbbell down and tried his best to towel at least a little bit of sweat off of him. He couldn't guess as to who was here, but he wanted to look somewhat presentable. He was guessing it was a personal visit from the Fuhrer. Although he was busy, he tried to make time to visit when he could. Between his job and his wife, he was much busier than Havoc could have ever been, and Havoc definitely didn't covet that job one single bit.

With a grunt of frustration -- not happy that this was going to set his schedule back -- he rolled into the main room, the sweaty towel, forgotten, still on his lap. His eyes went wide, and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Ma? Pop? what are you doing here?"

____________________________________________________________________________________

A few minutes later, they all sat, laughing at the dining room table, while Janet finished pouring tea for everyone and sat down herself -- her large belly making her sit back from the table a bit.

"So... Ma, Pop, what are you guys doing here?"

"You don't remember, son?" his dad asked, confusion evident in his voice and on his face.

Havoc thought for a second, trying to scan his brain for something specific about this week, but he couldn't come up with anything. Heck, most days unless someone told him, he didn't even know what day it was. Most days were exactly the same, with the same routine from waking up to going back to sleep. "Well, I guess I have been here about a month?" was the only straw he could grasp for.

His mother laughed and shook her head, leaning over and gently patting the top of his hand with hers, rubbing gently. "No, dear. It is your birthday tomorrow."

His eyes lit up. He had been so busy in Central that he hadn't even though about it. Birthdays had never been much of a big deal when he had been growing up. He was usually busy working on farms around town, trying to make money to help his parents get by. Being an only child, he had never felt like he had ever wanted for anything, but it hadn't been an easy childhood by any means.

"Oh, yeah," Havoc replied with a smile.

"And not only that, Jean, but you are going to be thirty! That big milestone only happens once!" She beamed over at Breda. "I am glad that Heymans and I didn't forget. We had been plotting to come up here since right after you left."

Havoc sighed and rolled his eyes a little. He was afraid he knew what was coming and tried to head it off at the pass. "I know, I know, Ma. I am about to turn thirty and I still don't have a girlfriend, right?"

She got a stern look on her face, smile dropping immediately. "Jean Havoc, you know that is not what I was going to say," she snapped. "Your father and I are not here to harass you about getting a girlfriend, although we would love to see you find someone special. We are here to celebrate your birthday."

"Yes, Ma." He dropped his head on the table, his forehead hitting first with a satisfying smack. Not a good way to start the day, he thought. "I am sorry," he said, his voice sounded defeated. "I guess I am just a little stressed out. I have been so busy that I haven't even had time or energy to find an apartment yet, and I don't have very long to find somewhere else to live."

"Well, we can go look at a few places next week. I have a couple sick days that I can take off," Breda chimed in with a smile, quickly attempting to diffuse the situation.

"Won't you need those when your baby is born?" Havoc asked.

"Well, I will need some, but Janet's parents will be coming when the baby is born, so they are going to help us for a little while."

"All the more reason for me to move out."

"Well they are coming because we figured you would be moved out by then, or else they wouldn't have."

"Thanks, Breda. You and Janet are really good friends. I know I need to get out of your hair soon. I will try to arrange things with Ross so we can go looking for an apartment in the morning, before she tires me out. I don't think she knows how much those sessions take out of me."

"I bet she does, and that is why she does it, son," his father replied, taking a short sip of his rapidly cooling tea. "She does it to build up your strength, so you won't be as tired in the future."

"Yeah, I guess so."

There was an awkward pause, silence for a few moments, before with a squeak of her chair, Janet stood up. Four pairs of eyes trained on her. She broke out in a wide smile, then turned towards the kitchen, calling out over her shoulder "Who wants sandwiches?"

There was a chorus of "Me!" immediately after.

____________________________________________________________________________________

Ross had already told Havoc the day before that their session today was going to be a short one, since she was going to be late. He understood now that she had been in cahoots with his parents and Breda as well, so he would get time to visit with them. She couldn't let him off without exercise at all today, because she was not going to come over the next day -- on his birthday. At least not as his trainer.

By the time she arrived, the brunch of sandwiches was over, and Havoc had taken his parents into the living room to show them the little gym that he had set up there.

"Hey, Maria. Can I talk to you for a second?" Breda motioned for her to come over  
with a finger.

"Sure, Breda. What is it?"

"I have a little favor to ask you... a proposition, as it were." Even Ross knew to fear the smile he wore.

____________________________________________________________________________________

"Are you sure that you really want to watch this?" Havoc asked his parents, after they got the short tour of his corner of the living room. "I was always really careful when I was living at home to not have my shirt off while you guys were around. The scarring is pretty bad."

"Jean, honey. You are our son. We love you, no matter what you look like or what has happened to you. I saw you when you fell out of the big tree in the front yard and your arm was bent backwards. I couldn't even begin to tell you how many scraped knees and black eyes I have seem while you were growing up. One scar isn't going to change our feelings. We want to see this workout that you do every day."

Havoc closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, then pulled his t-shirt partially up, enough to see the scars on his stomach. He heard his father's breath catch for a moment, and his mother softly whisper "Oh my God." Quickly, he put the shirt back down and opened his eyes again, right as Ross entered the room.

"Should I... come back later?" Ross asked, starting to turn back around.

"No, Maria. It's fine. I think you should hear this as well, anyways," he said and then turned back to his parents. "I told you that is wasn't pretty. Believe me, after four years of healing, it looks a lot better than it used to. I already explained as much as I could about how I was injured. Part of it is still top secret and I apologize for that. But I never told you guys what happened afterward."

Havoc sighed and rubbed his eyes for a moment, giving Ross time to find a seat next to the rest of the group. He took a deep breath, then continued. "I don't remember everything, but after I was injured, I was fading in and out of consciousness. I heard Mustang yell my name, and I couldn't really see him, but I could hear him. He said something about pain and fire, and he apologized several times. Then... I felt the pain. Hot searing pain in my gut, worse than when I was stabbed. He kept apologizing, then I passed out again. By the time I woke up again, I was in the hospital. That was when I realized that he had used fire to cauterize my wounds. If he hadn't, then I wouldn't be here today."

When he was done, there were no dry eyes. His parents were holding each other tight, and Ross was sitting rock still, her hands shaking slightly. Havoc let out a long breath. "I am sorry guys. I didn't mean to ruin your day."

Ross smiled lightly. "You didn't ruin our day, Jean. It is just that is so awful. To have to go through that much pain, twice, it is sad. Nobody should have to endure that. The fact that you have not only endured the pain, but the suffering that came after it just makes you that much stronger of a man."

Havoc smiled softly. Ross got up and walked over to him, giving him soft pat on the shoulder. Somewhere deep inside Havoc, he had wished for a little more, but he shook that thought out of his head quickly.

"Now, this is going to have to be a very abbreviated session, but we can at least do some of the muscle exercises."

He nodded, and she smiled and said, "Let's get to work."

She went thru the normal movement exercises with him, showing and explaining to his parents what each of the exercises did and what they tried to accomplish. Even though she didn't have her acupuncture needles, she explained that to them as well. It made his mother turn pale, but his father was very interested, and by the end of the session the two were engrossed in a conversation about the merits of Xingian medicine.

Breda walked in, catching the end of the conversation between the two. "Sounds like you guys have a lot to talk about. I am sure there will be plenty of time when we all meet for dinner tonight! How does eight o'clock sound?"

There were no objections.

__________________________________________________________________________________

The dinner was most pleasant. The six of them were very surprised when the Fuhrer had been able to clear his schedule at the last minute, and he and his wife attended the get together. Al was unfortunately away on some alchemy research, but both Falman and Fuery were able to attend as well, bringing their total to ten.

Havoc stood up weakly on his canes, the events of the day draining the small amount of energy he had. "I just want to thank you all for coming to my birthday dinner, even if it is a day early." There were some small chuckles from the crowd. "I don't know how I came to deserve all you wonderful friends and family.

I am just a country bumpkin from back East whose parents thought the military would straighten me out. I never thought it would change me so much, mentally and physically. I know it sounds dumb and hokey, but if it meant not having you guys, I wouldn't change a thing." With a grunt of exhaustion, he slumped back into his chair.

His mom leaned over and gave him a little kiss on the cheek, tears in her eyes. "That was beautiful, Jean," she said, her voice breaking slightly.

The mood was quickly broken by the waitress, who walked up with a cake, complete with 30 candles on it. Havoc flashed an evil look at Breda, who he knew was behind that, but it was too late, the birthday song was already being sung. Havoc tried, unsuccessfully, to try not to blush horribly at all the attention.

He blew out the candles, and the waitress started to cut the cake, burnt out candles and all.

"Did you have to help them light them all, Chief?" Havoc smirked towards the Fuhrer. He simple shrugged noncommittally and gave one of his patented knowing smiles.

"I can assure you that Roy had nothing to do with this," Hawkeye said sharply. She pointed over to the redhead. "It was all Breda's doing." Havoc flashed another look over to Breda, whose color faded just a little under his wilting gaze.

"Even if you get me back for this, it was so well worth it!" Breda laughed and then took a big bite of cake.

"Oh, don't you worry, I will!"

The light in Havoc's eyes scared Breda more than a little bit.


	8. Home

When he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was that the clock read 10:35 A.M., he panicked -- his mind raced. He was late for breakfast and morning practice, and Ross was going to kill him! Why hadn't anyone woken him up? He never closed his door all the way, just in case there was some sort of emergency and someone needed to get in.

It took a few moments of sheer panic before his brain caught up with his heart and he remembered that it was his birthday. He guessed that they'd let him sleep in. He let out a deep yawn and stretched, then got up and transferred to his chair, completing the necessities and taking a quick shower before rolling out into the living room.

"Hello all," he said to a table full of family and friends who had been snacking on some fresh fruit.

"Happy birthday, Jean!" was the almost uniform response. He couldn't hide the broad smile on his face.

"So, what kind of wonderful things do we have planned today?"

"Well," his mother replied, "We figured you could take us around town; show us the big city, since we haven't been here in many years, since before you were born. I am sure you can find some fun things to do on your birthday in Central."

"Hmmm..." Havoc stroked his chin as he flashed a dangerous smile.

A few hours and quite a few cens later, Havoc, his mother and father, Ross -- who had joined them a bit later, and Janet and Heymans had stopped at a cafe. Almost everyone was loaded down with bags from various boutiques.

"That isn't fair, Jean. You can carry those in your lap, and we have to lug ours around!" Breda complained, weighted down with both his and his wife's packages.

"Hey, I didn't ask you to be chivalrous and carry Janet's bags. I didn't know she was such an avid shopper. Come here, and I will cut your legs off, then you can have a chair like mine!" He started rolling quickly towards Breda, who took off at a run, yelling at the top of his voice, like he had just seen a dog.

The both came back a few minutes later, out of breath. Havoc suspiciously had more packages, and Breda's hands were empty, a big smile on his sweating face. Breda was panting from sheer exhaustion, but he seemed to love every second of it.

When they had settled down with some big glasses of water a few minutes later, Ross leaned over to Havoc, whispering in his ear, "Hey, Jean. Can I talk to you for a moment, please?"

"Sure, what is up?"

"Well, let's go outside for a moment," she said as she got up and stood behind him, starting to wheel him backwards. "Excuse us. I am going to take Jean out for a cigarette." She got a few curious looks, since he was perfectly capable of moving himself, but no one said anything and they went out the front door.

Havoc did take the opportunity to light up, making sure to situate himself downwind from Ross -- who disliked the smell of cigarette smoke. "So, to what do I owe the honor of your company, fair maiden?" he asked and then bowed the best he could in his chair, sweeping an arm low. He almost missed the little blush that came to her cheeks.

"Well, I was talking to Heymans and Janet yesterday. They were telling me how you were going to need a place to stay, either a temporary one until an apartment is found or a permanent one, if you can find one that is... well... accessible."

Havoc let out a smoke-filled breath and tried unsuccessfully to hide a sigh behind it, but she caught it.

"My apartment is smaller than their house but, it is on the first floor and there is a ramp to the side of the steps. As long as you can get over the little bump in the doorway everything else should be fine. Since I am on the first floor, the doorways and such are a little wider. We can visit my place soon and find out for sure, but I don't think there will be a problem for you to maneuver around. One bathroom is larger than the other. It isn't huge, but I think you can get into it. We can go ahead and put in a little shower bench and railing. The landlord said it wouldn't be a problem."

"You have thought of everything, haven't you?" Havoc smiled softly, quite humbled by the thought and effort she'd put into it.

"I think so. If you want to live there for a while, I wouldn't mind. I am sure that finding an apartment that will be perfect for you will take a long time. There just aren't that many. This way, you won't be pressured into finding something in a short time frame."

"I... I don't know what to say. It is such a generous offer," Havoc said and then nervously sucked at the filter of his cigarette.

"You can say yes," she replied, blushing redder as she smiled.

He was happy his knees didn't work already or else he was pretty sure that he wouldn't have been able to stand. That smile just melted any unhappiness right out of him. He wanted to see that smile all the time. It made him feel -- alive.

"Well, how can I resist that smile?" He said, slightly awkwardly.

"Great!" She leaned down to give him a little hug, startling him and making him drop his cigarette. Thankfully it bounced off his armrest and fell to the ground. He was glad she couldn't see how red his cheeks were.

They went back into the restaurant, big smiles on their faces, chatting about some of the goings on in Central. Despite living in town, she had little time to visit Central Command, and since she was no longer an officer it was hard to get an excuse to visit her former fellow soldiers.

"...Mustang, he looks totally pathetic, like a wet kitten! He has, like ten times more paperwork that he needs to do and there are bullet holes in the wall where Hawkeye has shot at him to wake him up when he was caught napping at his desk!" Ross laughed hard, holding her side with one hand as she tried to steer Havoc back with the other, listening intently to his story.

"That sounds like the Chief!" Breda chuckled.

"Well, good news all. It sounds like I will have another place to stay for a while, until I can get back on my own two feet," he announced and faced a wall of blank stares.

He smiled, holding his hands up in surrender, and exclaimed, "No, no, no! It was a joke, people! Man, you guys are uptight. If I can't laugh at myself, no one else can." There were a few sighs of relief.

"I am going to be staying with Maria for a little bit. Just as a friend, so don't get any ideas!" He flashed a look to his parents, who looked positively awestruck. "She has an extra bedroom she uses for storage right now. She says that the doors and one bathroom should be big enough for all of me, since my ass is a lot wider now," he said as he slapped the side of his wheelchair.

"That is great to hear, dear. I am sure that the Bredas are happy to hear that as well," his mother replied.

"Actually, Mrs. Havoc, it was my idea to ask her!" Breda replied.

"I already told you, call me Ma."

"Yes, Ma," Heymans replied dutifully.

Both Janet and Havoc were quickly running out of energy, and soon after they headed back for the Breda household. Ross excused herself, saying that she had another patient that she had to meet with soon.

Havoc had seen the looks that his parents had been shooting each other since the he and Ross had come back from outside. He thought their smiles were going to envelop their whole heads. He sighed, knowing what was coming, but he just had to know.

"Ma, Pop, what are you thinking about?" he asked hesitantly.

"It's just that you and that Ms. Ross seem so nice together. She seems to like you, son."

"I am sure she does, Ma. We were soldiers together until we started to have that trouble with the former Fuhrer, Bradley. She... had to leave town for a while. So I was very surprised when she came back and Master Xao actually recommended her, not knowing that we had known each other before. What a small world, eh?"

"I guess so," his father said and then chuckled.

"But it is just professional, guys. She may have a boyfriend for all I know. In the sessions, we don't really talk about our personal lives much."

"She doesn't have a ring, so she isn't married yet..."

"MA!"

Unfortunately for Havoc, his parents had to leave that night. He and Breda saw them off at the train station, and he did his best not to cry, though his throat closed up and his chest felt like someone was sitting on it.

"Son, remember, call us any time. It isn't a very long train ride, and if there are any problems we can be back here soon. Write us!" As the train was pulling away, he couldn't hold back any more, and he put his head in his hands, trying to hide his red eyes. Breda gave him a few minutes, making an excuse about having to use the restroom, and then he silently wheeled his best friend back to the car to head home.

The next day found Havoc in less than a good mood, still missing his parents and not looking forward to how excruciating therapy was going to be -- not to mention having to go back to work. Ross found him like she usually did, already in his workout clothes, which consisted of a dingy gray t-shirt and long shorts in which he tried to conceal as much of his now much skinnier legs as he could. He was idly lifting his dumbbells, which she noticed that had gone up slightly in weight.

"Good for you!" She beamed with a big smile. "You are definitely getting stronger already!" He gave her a weak smile and put the dumbbells down. "So, let's get to the workout first, and then I want to try the acupuncture for a little longer this time, alright?" He nodded, and they got to work.

The first exercise was Ross moving his leg muscles up and back, holding them steady while they hovered in place. The muscles didn't seem to be losing mass anymore, but it didn't seem to be coming back yet either. She wanted to work those muscles a bit harder, in the hope that they could be build back up over time.

Havoc was surprised how much of a sweat he worked up over muscles that he couldn't feel, even though his lower back started to ache. He didn't complain, and Ross was surprised when he lasted for as long as he did.

After the leg exercises she had him work on his arms and upper body strength. He used two chairs that had been weighted down with a large pile of books and pulled into a standing position, then back down, in a kind of modified pull up. He was able to do more than he had before, and he was even able to hold himself up for a minute or so before his arms shook and he had to lower himself back to his chair.

"Alright, I think that is enough for now," Ross said after a few more rounds of exercises that worked the muscles in his chest, abdomen, and upper arms. Havoc let out a deep breath, and used the last bit of his energy to pull himself back up into his chair and roll outside for a quick smoke before the last part of the therapy.

When he came back, he was feeling much more relaxed, even though his muscles were screaming for a long hot bath followed by an even longer bath. He got back onto the floor and took off his shirt again, closing his eyes. Even after several weeks of acupuncture, it was still too tough for him to watch the needles going into his skin. It still reminded him of that night and brought back flashes of memories that were burned into his brain.

He felt the first couple of needles go in and his muscles relaxed. His eyes rolled back under his shut eyelids and his mind started to wander. At first, he just saw light colors fading in and out of his view. The colors melded together, then became flesh and skin, and formed into a woman, a beautiful woman with dark brown hair and deep blue eyes. His breath hitched for a second and he tensed up again. He tried to think about something else, but she kept coming back into his mind. Somewhere deep in his head, he knew he could open his eyes, but his body didn't want to respond.

"Havoc..." he heard a voice, but it sounded far away, hollow. "Jean..." He heard and he was finally able to open his eyes. Ross was looking right at him, shock written on her face.

A moment of panic went through him. Was he bleeding somewhere? Had something happened where he couldn't feel it? He looked at his chest, it was fine. One arm was okay, and the other. He looked down to his stomach. There was no problem there.

Then, he saw it.

"Oh... umm... Maria... I am sorry... I... didn't even know if it would work or not. I didn't even know it could. I haven't tried... anything," he stammered, trying to find words, but seemingly only making it worse. He turned a deep shade of pink and leaned over, trying to get to his shirt that he had tossed to the side to cover up his legs, but he stretched too far, overbalanced. He fell sideways, scraping his face against the carpet leaving hot, red carpet burns on the side of his face. He was pretty sure that a bruise was going to form soon.

"Jean, are you alright?" Ross asked as she leaned down to help him up, blushing as badly as he was. "It is okay, really. I don't know what brought it on, but it is alright. It happens. It may be a good sign that there is better blood flow to the area." She gently rubbed his cheek, where it was red and ugly. He hissed through tightly clenched teeth and pulled back, torn between wanting to feel her touch and shying away from the pain.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry, my mind was wandering and I was thinking about things, and I guess it just happened. Hell, I didn't even know it could still stand at attention like that... I am sorry!"

She smiled and handed him his t-shirt and then said, "I think maybe we ought to call it a day, Jean. I apologize. Let me just pull the needles out of your feet and I will go. I hadn't gotten very many in yet, anyways."

Oh great. Havoc thought. I finally found a girl that I like and for the first time since all of this, I thought the feeling might be mutual -- she may have actually liked me. I just went and ruined it, good job!


	9. Admissions

"You okay there, Mr. Havoc?" the driver asked.

It was pretty bad, Havoc thought, when even the driver who only sees him a few minutes a day when he drives the man to and from work notices that something is wrong. "You didn't get any bad news, did you?"

Havoc was quiet for a moment, his brain fighting between telling him to shut up and telling him what happened. He didn't really know the man well -- his driver, James Harrier, but he had always been a good listener and he was starting to regard the young man as a friend.

"Well, maybe," he finally replied with a sigh. "See, there's this girl that I kinda like. I think I just ruined it with her. And I already told you, please call me Jean, or just Havoc if you want. I'm a military man; I'm used to being called by my last name."

"Yes sir, Havoc. It's a shame about the gal. I know how ya feel. I was seeing this gal, Elizabeth for a little while. Man, she was some lady! She had curves to die for and she was tough. I thought she liked me, but she told me it wouldn't work out," he said and then shrugged. "Oh well, ya live, ya learn."

He couldn't help but smile. Elizabeth. That was the code name that Hawkeye had used in some of their covert operations. He could have been describing her, the way it sounded. For just a second, Havoc's mind wandered. But there is no way that that could be talking about Hawkeye. She was married to the Fuhrer now. She wasn't the type to take love flippantly.

Hawkeye.

He let out a deep breath, remembering her and all his friends, friends that were finally back together in Central for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime. They were all waiting for him, and here he was, trying to get some semblance of normalcy in his life. Was it too much to think that maybe after everything that had happened to him, that maybe he deserved for a little luck to go his way? Did whatever deity that was watching over them just enjoy torturing him? Did said deity enjoy taking away any semblance of normalcy in his life, without granting him something as simple as someone to spend that life with?

Those alchemists believed in the law of equivalent exchange. So where the hell was his equivalent exchange, damn it?

He sighed heavily. He didn't like this line of thinking. It was just making him feel worse.

________________________________________________________________________________

"Havoc, you don't look too well," Fuhrer Mustang Observed casually.

"I don't feel too well, Fuhrer, sir," Havoc replied. It felt so weird to have to call him Fuhrer, but they were in public, and he knew that even though it was common knowledge that they knew each other well, Havoc had to obey protocol and keep their conversation and speech formal.

Mustang stirred his coffee and leaned over the lunchroom table towards the man across from him. "Come on, Jean," he said in a low tone. "Tell me what is wrong."

Havoc hesitated for a second, then sighed and looked down at the table, not wanting to make eye contact. "Well, there is this girl." He didn't even need to look up to see the smirk that played against the Fuhrer's face.

"Oh really? Please continue," Mustang replied smugly. Havoc groaned. He knew that tone of voice, the ever knowing, self satisfied Mustang.

"Well, we see each other a good bit, just in passing. And well... I think I kind of like her. I am not sure, but I think she may like me too." He paused for a moment and took a swig of coffee, grimacing at the cold liquid that passed his lips. "But I think I screwed it up."

"What the hell did you do, Havoc?" Mustang asked as he leaned forward further, dropping his voice, his black eyes burning holes into Havoc.

"I... umm..."

"Out with it!" Mustang barked. Havoc knew that was an order, not a request.

"I umm... got a stiffy," Havoc mumbled, his voice barely a whisper.

Mustang burst out laughing, causing people from the tables around them to glance his way for a moment. His expression became stern and he shot them a look, making them go back to what they were doing in half a heartbeat. Nobody wanted to be at the wrong end of his snapping fingers.

He leaned back in, biting his lip slightly to reign in his mirth. Mustang's eyes lit up as he asked, "You got a little excited and you think that scared her away? It's Ross, isn't it? You were at therapy and you got excited when she was touching you while you were exercising." The grin on his face, the glint in his eyes said it all. Mustang was good, Havoc thought. He didn't miss a thing. No wonder he was Fuhrer at such a young age.

"That is mostly right," he admitted. "She was doing acupuncture. Are you familiar with it?"

"A little."

Havoc smiled. This was one thing he knew at least a little more about than Mustang. It was a tiny victory, but he would take them where he could get them. "Well, you get needles stuck in you, and it relaxes you. It relaxed me too much." It was horrible, but he took another sip of the swill the mess hall called coffee. "So after that she said we should stop and she took all her stuff and vamoosed pretty quickly. That was this morning."

Mustang smiled as he considered the information. "Hmm... No wonder you look so off today. I guess that would throw any man for a loop. He pushed his coffee off to the side, and locked his fingers together, his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his locked hands. It was a position that he had seen the former colonel take when he was dealing with Fullmetal. It was his fatherly, "I know more than you so I am going to give you advice" position. Havoc groaned. He was afraid of what was about to come.

"Let me give you a few tips, from one man to another," Mustang started. His voice wasn't full of sarcasm or showiness. It was low, honest and almost... sad, he thought. "Maria Ross is a good woman. She followed my orders when her life was in danger without hesitation. She trusted me and because of that she is back here with us instead of a pile of ash in a back alleyway."

Havoc nodded, looking Roy in the eye for the first time during that uncomfortable conversation. He noticed Roy's eyes were ringed with dark circles from many sleepless nights and quite possibly regret. Havoc thought about that night, the last time he saw her, pulling her back through the dumpster into a another dirty, run down alley. They met up with Falman, then just like that she was gone, off to Xing, and he thought, out of his life. He had never told anyone that he had to bite his lip when she left to stop the lump forming in his throat. He thought at the time he was just sad to see a fellow solider leave, but now he wasn't so sure.

"I can tell by the way you talk about her. You get this dreamy look in your eyes, and your mind wanders. I know you are thinking about her. It is painfully obvious that you like her. Hell, when we went out to dinner for your birthday, I saw the little looks that you were giving her when you thought no one was looking. She was sneaking glances your way too. I think it was obvious to everyone at that table besides you guys that you like each other. I could see your parents smiling. They noticed it too. They know you better than anyone. You think they wouldn't notice that?"

Havoc smacked his head on the table, making the plates and silverware on the table rattle. By now the people at the neighboring tables knew better than to pay any attention to what was going on at the Fuhrer's table. "Is it that bad?" He was glad at least with his head on the table his deep blushing couldn't be seen.

"Yeah, Havoc. It's that bad."

"Oh, shit."

Mustang smiled wider and finished his coffee, then stood up. "Havoc, this is an order from your commanding officer. Talk to her about this. If you like her, tell her so. If you don't and she gets away, you will regret it for the rest of your life. I didn't see what I had right under my nose. It took me a long time to see how special Hawkeye, er Riza is, and I can't think about what I would have done if I hadn't come to my senses." Havoc looked up from the table, nodding, a sigh escaping his lips.

"Tell her. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. She likes you for who you are, not what you are or are not." Havoc knew what he meant by that, without it having to be said. She didn't care that he was only half a man, she knew who he had been, and she knew he was still the same Havoc that had pulled her out of danger all those years ago.

"Thanks, sir," Havoc said and then saluted. Mustang saluted back, taking both of their trays and walking towards the trash, calling over his shoulder. "And I want a full report when that reconnaissance mission is done, solider!" He couldn't miss that wide grin on the Fuhrer's face.

"Yes, sir," he muttered, grinning. Maybe today was looking up.

______________________________________________________________________________

He didn't sleep well that night, trying to go over and over in his mind what he would say to her and all the possible replies that she may give. He tried to think of every possibility. What if Mustang was wrong? What if she didn't like him? Would he need a new therapist? She was great therapy-wise. He was really making progress. He'd hate to lose that. Maybe they could stay friends? That was the best of the worst case scenarios that kept popping into his head.

Havoc was almost happy when he watched the sun come slowly creeping up from the large window in his bedroom. At least it meant that his waiting was over, and that for better or worse, he was going to find out what she thought about him. He sighed softly and transferred from his bed to the chair that was constantly at his side. After taking care of the morning needs, he rolled quietly out the front door for a quick smoke.

By the time he was done, and his mind had conjured up about a thousand more ways that Ross could react to the fact that he liked her, he rolled back inside, carefully gathering up the paper from the from porch without tipping himself over, and rolled back inside, amusing himself with the news of the day until Janet woke up a short time later.

Janet woke her husband up soon after that, and the three of them had a pleasant, if slightly quiet breakfast. They both knew that something had spooked Havoc yesterday, and it apparently had something to do with Ross, but neither of them had asked, and he was glad for it. He really didn't feel like talking about it, especially with Janet.

While Janet was cleaning dishes, she started to feel a bit faint, holding herself up against the counter. "Why don't you go lie down. I can finish." Havoc offered, and Breda led his wife back into the bedroom, mouthing a thanks to his friend. It wasn't easy for Havoc, He had to reach up and into the sink, feeling blindly over the high counter, but with a little ingenuity, and a little extra time, he we able to clean the majority of the dishes in the sink.

There were a few at the very bottom that he couldn't reach, and he didn't have the right handholds to pull himself up into a standing position. He sighed, wishing he could be more help, but he figured that he could apologize later. He looked that the clock and silently cursed himself. He had taken a lot longer than he thought, and Ross was due to be here any minute.

As if right on cue, there was a knock at the door. Havoc quickly dried his hands on a dishtowel and rolled to the front door, opening it for her. At first, she looked down at the bag that she always carried with her. the one that contained the implements of Havoc's torture. She finally looked at him, a shy smile on her face.

"Are you, ready Jean?" She softly asked.

"Uh, I guess so." he gulped and let her in, then closed the door and hesitated for a second before following her into the other room. It was going to be a long morning, he was sure.

_______________________________________________________________________________

The first part of the workout was dead quiet, neither Ross nor Havoc wanting to look the other in the eye. Occasionally Ross would try to steal a glance, and when Havoc would look at her, her cheeks would flush and she would turn away. She would only talk when she had to ask or tell him to do something, and he would wordlessly comply.

"Jean this is ridiculous. We need to talk about this." She stopped the range of motion exercises that she had been doing on his legs, ad gently put it back down on the ground. "Obviously this is bothering both of us." Havoc sighed and nodded, but still stayed quiet.

"I am not sure how you feel, although by what happened yesterday I can guess," she said, and Havoc looked down at the floor in front of him. "I guess.. well, I just want to know what is going on in your head, Jean Havoc." Gently she took a hand and cupped his chin, gently pulling it up until he was looking at her, face to face. "If there is something that you want to tell me, then do it, please."

"Maria..." he started to say. A lump formed in his throat, and he loudly swallowed. Somewhere deep in the back of his head he heard his commanding officer yelling at him to tell her- don't hesitate and don't wait.

"Maria, I- "

"Jean, Maria! Come quick!" Both heads snapped back toward the door, where Breda stood, gasping for breath, sweating and panting. "It is time! It is time! Come quick! We need to get to the hospital! The baby is coming!"


	10. Deja Vu

When the large, drab gray building that was the Central Hospital loomed in front of them, Havoc fought the sinking feeling in his stomach. He had to worry about Breda and Janet right now. He would have time to reminisce later.

That time unfortunately came a short while later, when the expectant parents were whisked away to a delivery room, and Havoc was almost alone -- with only Ross and himself in the waiting room. He'd tried to forget about those feelings, the ones that he'd kept bottled up, but they came welling back and he had nothing to stop them this time.

"That bastard! Where does he get off saying 'I'll wait for you at the top'? What the hell am I supposed to do? What the fuck does he expect me to do, just get up and walk out of here like he did? Fucking bastard!" Somewhere deep in his mind, Havoc knew that it wasn't Mustang that he was mad at. He saw his commanding officer stand up, put his hand on his shoulder and tell him that he will be waiting for him. Then walk out of the hospital, with the 'hawk's eyes' ever present at his side.

He knew he would never get up and walk out of here. He would probably never get up again. He would be lying if he said that he hadn't been terribly jealous of the Colonel, and of all the doctors and nurses that came into his room with two perfectly good legs, did what they needed to, and then left.

Sure, they were pleasant to him, and they tried to make idle conversation about the weather, not even thinking about how the only weather he saw was through his hospital window. He could care less if it was a particularly cold day or not. His room was always the same, just a little too warm and always dry, parching his throat and causing him to sweat during the night. The few times he was actually able to close his eyes and sleep, he usually saw her- Solaris- her soulless purple eyes bore through him as she ran him through without hesitation.

"You better get used to waiting, Colonel. I'm not going anywhere."

_______________________________________________________________________________

Breda came to visit him, right as he was finishing his only cigarette for the day. When he told him that Lieutenant Ross had gotten away safely, Havoc had kept a stone face, but deep in his heart he was glad. He hadn't gotten to work with her as much as he'd hoped, but he had seen her enough to know that she was not the kind of person to kill someone. Mustang had already shown that he took care of his own- Havoc knew that if that hadn't been the case, he wouldn't have been here at all. He would be just another corpse in the ground. He grinned at the irony. Maybe if he had been killed, he would have finally been able to rise in the ranks. He didn't care about getting to the top like the Colonel, but he certainly didn't want to be stuck with a First Lieutenant's pay the rest of his life.

Of course, he didn't have to worry about that any more.

He knew that the retirement papers would come through soon. He was told that he would get severance pay, a decent stipend to live on, and free therapy from a list of government approved doctors. He honestly didn't give a hoot about any of that, though. All he knew was that his career was over and there was nothing for him to do. There was nowhere for him to go, but home, with his tail between his legs like the beaten cur that he was.

Breda had left that afternoon on a cryptic note, some weird comment that was supposed to elicit hope for the broken man in the hospital bed, but Havoc just didn't see how. Ordinarily, he would have thought that his best friend had finally gone over the edge- if he hadn't seen the seriousness and resolve in his eyes. That look was enough to make the former Lieutenant wonder if there was some hope after all, no matter how far flung. 'Retired life doesn't suit you', he'd said as he left the room. For now, he didn't have a choice.

Even after Breda visited, Havoc had still believed that there was no hope. Then that smug Mustang had strode in, with fiery eyes and determination in his voice, telling Havoc that he was going to wait for him at the top. What else did he have to do? He had no desire to waste away to nothing in the Eastern countryside. He was a country boy at heart, but he wasn't suited to live there as an invalid for the rest of his life, either.

He wasn't sure how, but he had to find some way to join his colonel. That was all the motivation he needed.

____________________________________________________________________________

It didn't take long for word to spread through the office about Havoc's outburst, and the colonel's reply. Breda returned a couple of days later with a stash of smuggled cigarettes and girly magazines. He also had a couple of weird contraptions that Havoc eyed suspiciously.

"They are for toning your muscles," Breda explained. "I know when you heal up some more, you are going to do some real exercises and such, but I thought in the meantime you might want to get started." He then handed him the items and smiled. "Ya know the Colonel ain't the only one waiting for ya, Havo."

Havoc smiled back and took the odd things. Each of them had two wooden handles, with coiled pieces of metal running between them. As he took one in each hand and squeezed the handles together, the metal resisted, and he felt the muscles up his wrist and lower arm tense, then relax as he let them go.

"Thanks, Breda. I will definitely use these. My wounds haven't closed yet, so I can't do much. But I am tired of just sitting here, doing nothing but staring at the ceiling all day. I think I've memorized every little stain and bump in that damn ceiling by now," he said and then his face tensed. "I want to get better and see the look on Mustang's smug face when I'm taller than him again."

"Okay, Havoc," Breda said as he clapped his friend on the back. I will help you however I can, even if it is only with girly magazines and cigarettes. All ya have to do is ask."

"Thanks. You're a good friend."

_______________________________________________________________________________

When the wounds had finally healed, Havoc was visited by a new face, a dark haired, green eyed man who didn't look much older than himself. He introduced himself as Dr. John Mitchell, and told Havoc that he was going to do some very basic physical therapy with him while he continued to heal.

At first, it wasn't bad. It was mostly range of motion and muscle building exercises in his lower legs, so he didn't have to worry about aching muscles. The doctor had explained that he wanted to wait for the upper body until it was healed a little more, something that Havoc didn't really mind. He also taught Havoc some basic things that he would need for the rest of his life, such as getting in and out of the chair and transferring himself to various places, like the bed and the toilet. He learned how to do what he needed to, to make it through a day as normally as he could.

For a time, things went well. Dr. Mitchell continued to be impressed with how determined Havoc was, and how much time he put into improving himself. After several surgeries to implant rods to stabilize his vertebrae he had only gotten the tiniest amount of something that couldn't even really be described as feeling in a couple of areas below the injury. The swelling around his spinal cord had gone down considerably and there was little improvement. It was a setback to be sure, but to the doctors, Havoc seemed to take the news fairly well. There had been very little hope for any improvement, but he had understood.

Of course, they weren't aware of how well Havoc could hide his feelings behind a wry smile when he had to.

It had hit him a lot harder than he cared to admit. He had been told not to expect much, but when one has nothing left to lose, sometimes hope is all they have. He had hoped for some miracle after the surgeries, and when it didn't happen, he was back to hoping for nothing.

When he had started to slack off a bit in the exercises, Dr. Mitchell hadn't said anything at first. He knew that Havoc had received the news about his lack of improvement, and he hoped that letting him work through it would be best, and he would return to his normal exercise routine soon.

But that was before the bad news got worse.

Mustang had been trying to visit as often as he could. Most of the time he would bring Hawkeye, but she would wait in the hallway. He would do his best to keep Havoc informed on what was going on at the office. Once they even tried to smuggle Black Hayate in, but the first time he barked all three of them were forcibly ejected.

Soon after the surgery, his visits had been coming less and less frequently. It was a grey and dreary day when Mustang came in, his face even more sullen than usual. He looked like he hadn't been sleeping well. Havoc snuffed out the last of his cigarette for the day and gave the Colonel a worried look.

"What is it, Chief?"

Mustang sighed, rubbing a hand through his hair, "Fuhrer Bradley... he... he is breaking up the team. Breda is being sent to Western Headquarters. Falman is going to Northern Headquarters and Fuery will be stationed in Southern Headquarters."

"And... Hawkeye, sir?" If Mustang caught the extra bit of worry in Havoc's voice when he asked about her, he didn't say anything about it.

He closed his eyes for just a moment, looking down as he replied sadly, "She will be the Fuhrer's new personal assistant."

"At least she will still be close."

"So close, yet so far away," Mustang almost whispered. Havoc simply nodded and continued to look at the rain that was beating on his window.

_________________________________________________________________________________

When the doctor noticed some drastic changes in Havoc, he started to get concerned. He hardly even bothered to try to do the daily exercises that he had been assigned anymore. He didn't talk anymore than was needed, preferring one word answers. He had  
to be given a prescription to help him sleep, and he was hardly eating enough to sustain him. His hospital gown hung loosely off his now gaunt frame.

"Jean, we need to talk," the doctor said.

Havoc put down the hand exercisers that he had been using to try to put on a good show for the doctor, and sighed heavily, nodding for him to continue while he stared out the window, something that he had been doing quite a lot lately.

"You are stagnating here. It has been a few months, but your progress is more like after a few weeks. Your muscles are atrophying. You won't improve one bit unless you keep working at it."

"I know doc, but-"

"Please, listen, Jean. This is very important," he insisted. He pushed his glasses up on his face. "I have already arranged for you to be discharged from the hospital and sent back to your home in the East. You are well enough that you won't have to stay at the hospital, you can go right home. Your mother and I have been in touch, and she has helped me arrange everything."

"I'm... going home," Havoc said flatly.

"Yes. I know you have friends here, but right now they seem to be more of a distraction than anything else. You need to be somewhere where you can concentrate on yourself for awhile."

Havoc opened his mouth to tell his that they weren't here to 'distract' any more, but he thought better of it and closed his mouth again before asking, "And, if I said that I want to stay in Central?"

"I would say that it wasn't an option, solider."

Havoc smirked as he replied "But you forget I'm not a solider anymore." His eyes drifted to the signed documents on the bedside table, a copy of his official military resignation papers.

"That is true, but please, just take my advice. I know it's hard, but it really is for your own good. I want you to get better. I am your doctor, and I want what is best for you."

Havoc sighed, wishing he had another cigarette or twenty and then said, "All right Doc. I will."

"Thank you, Jean."

________________________________________________________________________________

"Are you ready, Jean?"

"Yeah, Ma."

A couple of orderlies helped Havoc into the wheelchair that would be his primary transportation from now on. Neither of the orderlies said anything, but they gave each other a look at how easy it was to lift this deceptively skinny, tall man. He was quickly situated, and his mother grabbed the small box that contained his personal belongings from the room, and followed behind the orderly that pushed Havoc down the hallway and out of the hospital for good.

Jean had to transfer himself from the chair into the waiting taxi that would take them to the train station. The orderlies stayed close in case anything happened, but he had to practice himself, as they wouldn't be around after this. It wasn't too hard, and even Havoc thought to himself how easy it was to lift himself with his arms. Maybe he had lost too much weight, but at least it made that easier for him.

Thankfully, it was a rather quick (and quiet) ride to the train station. Havoc passed the time waiting for the train to arrive by watching the flocks of birds that would fly overhead at regular intervals, visitors for the change in the seasons. His mother bought them some snacks for the trip, and before they knew it, it was time to head home.

Very little was said on the train ride back. Havoc really didn't have anything that he wanted to talk about, and his mother was unsure of how to start a conversation with her brooding son.

"The rest of your belongings from you dorm room are going to be packed up and they should be shipped back home soon." She tried to start a conversation about halfway through the trip.

"That's nice," was the only response she got.

An angry look crossed her face. "Jean, please. I know this is bad, leaving your friends, but it is for the best. And again, he bit his tongue, not bothering to tell her that all his friends had been ripped away from him again. He just sighed softly and continued to stare out the window at the countryside speeding past.

"I know, Ma."

The rest of the ride was mostly silence, and both of them were quietly glad when it was finally over. Havoc's father was waiting for them at the station. He tried as hard as he could when his mother wheeled Havoc off the train to not look surprised. After all, he had been told what happened, but it was much different when he actually saw it in person. Words on a paper and a voice over the phone can't prepare a father when his only child is suddenly stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of his life.

"Hello son," he managed to choke out, trying as hard as he could to hold back the tears that were trying to form in his eyes.

"Hey Pop," Havoc said as he waved meekly, and rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

"Welcome home, Jean."

Havoc rubbed his spiky hair and closed his eyes for a moment, thinking that it was way past time for him to go smoke a cigarette.

"Are you okay, Jean?" Ross asked, bringing Havoc quickly back to the moment.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said and then let out a long breath. "This place just... well, it brings back memories and they aren't happy ones. I was just thinking about the last time I was here, that's all."

Maria nodded and stood up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and stretched her arms upwards for a moment, her light colored blouse almost raising enough to expose the tiniest bit of stomach to anyone close enough to see her. Havoc gulped, and wished that he could squirm in his chair to relieve some pent up energy.

"I know we haven't talked about... the incident... much, but if you ever want someone to talk to about it, I will listen." She smiled and gently patted the back of his hand with the palm of hers.

Havoc blushed just slightly and smiled.

"I am gonna go out for a smoke. You wanna come?"

"I better stay here and wait to see if the doctor comes back."

Havoc nodded and started to roll towards the exit. He stopped after a few feet and turned around. "Maria?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"Thanks... for everything."

She just smiled back.


	11. Memories

There was no mistaking the smile on Maria Ross' face when Havoc came back into the waiting room. He smiled softly and stopped his wheelchair next to where she was sitting.

A lump formed in his throat, and his heart started to race. "Um... Maria?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"About before... I was about to tell you something."

"Yes, what was it?"

"Maria... I..." He paused and took a deep breath, wanting to blurt it out before he talked himself out of it. "I... think I like you... a lot."

She blushed deeply and a smile spread across her face. He put his hand on top of hers for just a moment, to feel the smoothness of her skin.

"I like you too, Jean," she admitted after a brief moment. She could almost see his heart leap when she said it, his shoulders lifting, his bright blue eyes shined like they hadn't in years- since before all of this.

Almost immediately though, he slumped again and sighed heavily. He dropped his head and stared at his lap.

"What's wrong, Jean?" Maria asked sounding worried.

"Aw, it's nothing."

"No, it isn't," she said sternly, then took his chin and pulled his gaze to hers for the second time that day. "You have something on your mind. What is it? If you really do like me, then you should feel like you can tell me anything."

He tried to avoid her deep azure eyes as he replied, "It's just that you deserve better than me."

"Why would you say that?" she asked with hurt and anger behind her voice.

"Look at me," he replied softly. "I am not even a whole man. Hell, I don't even know if everything works." He grimaced slightly. Her face showed that she knew what he was talking about. She pondered for a brief moment that she should remind him about the incident that happened that sparked all of this, but she then she thought better of it.

"Unlike most men, that isn't all I think about," she said, and then smiled and gave his hand a little squeeze. "I don't care about you being in that chair. I like you for you. I remember you before the... incident, and do you want to know something?" she didn't pause long enough for him to try to answer. "I thought you were cute then, too. I just didn't get to see you enough to really get to talk to you and get to know you. Now I do know you better, and know that how I felt before was right."

Havoc let out a short breath. So she had liked me, too? He said to himself. He had admired her from a distance when they worked together, but he had never approached her- partially because he was worried about interoffice dating, but it was more because he was pretty sure that Mustang would have tried to get his mitts on her. He knew that if Mustang had tried to make a move, it would end up like it always did, with Havoc in the loser's corner.

It took a few moments for Havoc to be able to say anything. He wasn't sure how to respond. "T-t-thanks," was all he could muster. He sighed softly and went back to looking down at his lap and thinking about how much better it could have gone. But at least he had told her how he felt. And he knew that she felt the same way. All Jean Havoc could do was hope that he was finally getting some of that 'equivalent exchange' that he thought he was due.

______________________________________________________________________________

The two continued to chat for a few minutes. It was a pleasant conversation, although there was an undercurrent of nervousness. Neither of them was sure about how to bring up the conversation that they had been having. Finally Ross found her way back, when they were talking about the layout of the hospital- a layout that Havoc had learned well in the past.

"Hey, Jean."

"Yeah?"

"Could I ask you... a question, about your injury?"

"I guess."

"How do you deal with something like that? I mean I can't even imagine something like not being able to use my legs."

Havoc sighed and started to nibble on his lower lip and then replied, "It was hard, but I didn't really have a choice."

"Jean, are you awake?"

Havoc slowly opened his eyes. At first there was nothing but blinding whiteness. He blinked a couple of times, and he saw human shapes begin to form in front of him. He breathed in and out, sharp pain making him wince each time his lungs filled with air.

"Lieutenant Havoc?"

His vision cleared, his head throbbed and his whole body was sore. Through still foggy eyes, he looked at himself. He was pretty sure that he was wearing the distinctive green of a hospital gown. His right arm had an I.V. line in it, making him shiver. Needles reminded him... of her.

Needles piercing his flesh, running him through...

"Havoc?"

The voices were familiar. He heard Mustang's deep, gruff voice and Hawkeye's as well. There were other voices that he didn't recognize.

"Yeah," he replied, his voice not sounding like his own. It was dry, crackling, soft.

"It is good to hear you, Lieutenant Havoc."

"Colonel?"

"Yes, Jean. I am here."

"I don't feel so good."

"You don't look good either," he joked, relief evident in his voice. "It was touch and go for a while, but you are alright."

Havoc's head swam and he closed his eyes. "I am tired, Mustang."

"It's okay, Havoc. You are safe now, just rest."

"Rest..." he repeated, almost asleep before he finished saying the word. He didn't notice that he couldn't feel the hand resting on his knee.

___________________________________________________________________________________

He wasn't sure how much time had passed before he woke up again. His eyes focused faster this time, and it wasn't nearly as painful to do the simple things, like breathe and blink. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mustang again, but he was asleep, in bed. Was that where he had been before? He wasn't really sure.

He wriggled his fingers. They all seemed to be there. His elbows moved. He hardly had the strength to, but he could lift the arm up that wasn't attached to the I.V. (He told himself not to think about *her*). He could barely lift his head off the pillow, but it still moved. He could breathe, so at least that seemed to be working.

So why couldn't he feel his legs?

He tried to wiggle his toes. He concentrated on it, shutting his eyes and straining, but he couldn't feel them at all. He tried his knees. Nothing. Panic set in. Maybe it would come back? He had to hope that it would. What if it didn't? How the hell was he going to live like this?

And where the hell were his cigarettes?

Havoc didn't have time to think about much more. A doctor came in, holding a chart. He was followed closely by a pretty blonde nurse. Ordinarily, he would have made a comment, or at least tried to start a conversation with her. But he saw the pity in her eyes, and his stomach churned. He had a bad feeling that this wasn't temporary.

"Hello Lieutenant Havoc. My name is Doctor Bell and this is Nurse Northrop." It felt like he was in a tunnel, everything was moving in slow motion. He could see the doctor's mouth moving, but he might as well have been speaking a foreign language. His brain simply didn't want to comprehend all of this.

He caught snippets of the conversation. "T-12... spinal cord... swelling... rods... no feeling... " He tried to concentrate on the doctor's lips, maybe he could read his lips and understand him better, but his eyes started to lose focus again. The room was spinning, and he felt really warm.

"I... gotta sleep," he muttered before he closed his eyes again.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

When he came to, Mustang was awake and Hawkeye was sitting at the side of his bed.

"Hey," he croaked out. Immediately Hawkeye stood up and straightened her uniform. Havoc thought he had almost caught a glimpse of a blush to her cheeks, but he wasn't positive.

"Welcome back, Lieutenant Havoc."

"Thanks, Chief."

Ross didn't try to hide the tears in her eyes when Havoc finished his story.

"I went through a bunch of tests, and they told me all this crazy medical jargon. I can't say that I understood it, but I understood that I was gonna be stuck in this thing," he said as he banged the side of the wheelchair with his fist, creating a loud, hollow ringing sound against the cold metal surface that echoed around the empty waiting room.

"A week or so later, I had to break it to Mustang. I guess it was better that Hawkeye was in there as well. The fewer times I had to explain it the better. Of course, Breda came to see me as soon as he was told. He brought Falman and Fuery once, but that poor kid couldn't take hospitals, and he had to leave pretty quickly. Falman left to go make sure he was okay."

"He was alright then?"

"Yeah, I guess he must have had some past experience that spooked him. I don't think anyone ever asked him about it or brought it up after that, but that was the last time those two visited. Breda came by pretty often, and after the Chief left the room was empty and all I could do was think."

Ross nodded. "On one of the visits that Armstrong made to the desert to meet with me and discuss what had been going on in Amestris and the plans to bring me back, he told me about it. I admit that I was shocked. I felt... horrible. Still, even from the first time I saw you, on the gymnasium floor, I could still see the old Havoc there, even though you looked a little older, a little more battle weary, it was still you.

Havoc let out a long, soft sigh and then said, "And I guess he told you about my little outburst then, right?"

"Yes, Jean. He did. He told me that you yelled at Mustang to leave you behind, and he told you that he was going to be waiting for you at the top." She smiled, rubbing a single finger over his hand. "And I guess you found a way to meet him, didn't you? Back here in Central, with a job at Command."

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, we have changed, but we are all back. Fuhrer Mustang, Lieutenant Colonel Hawkeye, Lieutenant Colonel Armstrong, Second Lieutenant Fuery, First Lieutenant Falman, and Major Breda," he said and then smirked, the corners of his mouth turning up. "It is pretty bad. I'm gone for a few years, and now everyone but Fuery outranks me. Even when I catch up, I really don't."

She couldn't stifle her giggle, though she tried to hide it with her hand. "Well, you should be happy with where you are, not where you aren't. You can stand. You are supporting yourself, but even that is better than just staying in the chair. I bet there are a lot of people who have been injured who can't even do that."

Havoc gave a dismissive grunt and then said sarcastically, "Yeah, I guess, though it took me a lot longer to get here than it should have. I was talking to the docs right after I moved back to Central. It took me two and a half years to learn to stand. They said with someone in the shape that I was in before the incident; I should have been standing in less than half the time. If I had kept up with my exercises... I got so depressed that I didn't do any of the routines that they showed me, and my muscles atrophied. It took twice as long to get them back into the shape they needed to be in, and even now I am only starting to get enough upper body strength to keep myself up for any length of time."

"That may be right, but look at you. You seem happy. You are about to be a godparent, and you had the courage to admit your feelings, something a lot of guys can't do. You are a strong person, Jean. I admire that. That is what I... what I love about you," she said as she blushed and then turned away.

"Maria, I-"

"Excuse me; are you two waiting for Janet Breda?" A doctor said softly, interrupting their conversation.

"Yes we... " Havoc said and then turned, annoyed at the interruption, until he saw the face of the doctor that had come to speak to them. "Doctor Bell?"

He smiled, the age creases around his mouth stretching. "Yes, Jean. It is nice to see you again." He reached out his hand and Havoc gave him a firm handshake and a smile. "Wow that is some grip you got there. It's nice to see your recovery is on track."

"I never thought I would see you again, Doc. I am glad it is under better circumstances," he paused and then added, "It... is good news, right Doc?"

He nodded and smiled. "Yes. The mother and child are doing fine. It's a girl, 7 pounds 4 ounces. It actually went very quickly, a smooth delivery. She has been resting for a while, but I think it would be okay if you want to go see them."

Havoc quickly shook his hand again. "Thanks Doc, for then and now. We would love to go see them." He glanced over at Ross who was beaming. She stood up and started to wheel Havoc to follow the Doc. He almost missed the knowing smile that Doctor Bell flashed. "I am sure you two do."

_______________________________________________________________________________________

A short time later, the doctor showed them to room 113. "Go on in. I think she is still awake."

"Thanks."

Ross knocked on the door and then pushed her way in, wheeling Havoc in front of her.

"Hey, Breda, I heard you went and had a kid!" Havoc waved his hand as he yelled in greeting.

"Yeah Havo, she's in the nursery now, but she is beautiful! You need to go see her!" he exclaimed and then released his grip on his sleeping wife's hand.

"Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to yell," Jean replied sheepishly.

"It's okay. She's out like a light," he said and smiled. "She probably won't wake up for a while. Let's go take you guys to the nursery."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

The nursery was only a couple of corridors away from Janet's room. They couldn't go in the room, but there was a large window that looked in, so one could see all the bassinets in the room.

"There she is second row, right on the end!" Breda said as he beamed with pride. Havoc had to stretch just a little to see over the ledge. He strained his eyes to see inside. He spotted her. She was already pretty strong, squirming around under her pink blanket. She was chubby, but long, and she had a shock of strawberry red hair, like her father and her mother's green eyes.

"She is beautiful, Breda. What is her name?"

"Jennifer Anne Breda."

"That's a pretty name for a pretty girl."

"Yeah..." Breda said as a wide, goofy grin crossed his features.

"What?" Havoc asked, confused.

"Nothin', this has just been a perfect day." He decided not to tell that he noticed that Jean and Maria had been holding hands the whole time they had been there.


	12. Movement

Havoc wasted no time- the day after they visited the new parents he was already making phone calls and trying to call in favors to get people to help him pack up the last of his stuff and move to Ross' apartment. He had only been in Central a month and a half, so luckily most of his belongings were still in boxes. The only things that weren't already packed were a few books, clothes, and personal items that he used every day, as well as his quickly expanding collection of various exercise and stretching equipment.

It was especially lucky that Janet had gone into labor at the end of the week, so it wasn't hard to rope the usual gang into helping him on Saturday- Armstrong, Falman, and Fuery would be there. Hawkeye was going to try to clear the Fuhrer's schedule so they could come by for a short time, and Breda said that he would try to pry himself away from his wife and daughter for a little bit to help.

He was already tired from playing phone tag all morning before it was time for his exercises with Ross, but when she knocked on the door and Havoc saw her smiling face, any fatigue was wiped out in a heartbeat. He blushed very slightly and smiled at her.

"Hey, Maria."

"Hey, Jean," she gave him his shoulder a fond squeeze and walked past. Havoc closed the door and followed back into the living room like an eager puppy. "You ready to get out of here?" She started a pleasant conversation while unpacking her various instruments and tools.

"Yeah, it will be nice to have a change of pace. And I am sure you are much better to stare at in the morning that Breda's fuzzy mug. You are easier on the eyes."

Ross giggled and blushed deeply as she said, "I am going to tell him you said that."

He threw his hands up in mock defeat. "Okay, okay! You got me. Now you have blackmail material to hold against me. What do I have to do to keep you quiet?"

Quickly she ducked her head to hide the deepening red in her cheeks, trying to make the excuse of finding some non-existent thing in the very bottom of her bag. After a second, Havoc caught on and guessed at what she might have been thinking. He smiled and stayed quiet for a while, and she finished setting up for the morning.

"Uh... okay. Let's start with some pull ups to check your upper body strength. We have been a bit lax lately, skipping some sessions, so it is very important that we make sure you don't start to lose muscle mass." She tried as best she could to get back to the task at hand and not let her mind wander too much.

Havoc rolled over to the two dining room chairs that were weighted down with books and looked back over his shoulder. "Oh... er... about that. Um, I hope it is okay, but I talked to a few people, and I am going to get some help moving on Saturday. I know we talked about it a little at the hospital. But that means that we will have to skip that day too."

A soft sigh emanated from Ross. "I know, and Saturday is fine. I worry, though. I don't like you missing all these sessions, but at least with you under the same roof I can keep a better eye on you, and make sure that you are doing your routines!"

"Ah ha!" Havoc exclaimed. "Now, I see the ulterior motive! I knew it..."

"Alright, Mr. Investigator. Get to work," she replied as she smiled softly at him.

"Yes sir!" Havoc said as he gave her a mock salute and then positioned himself between the chairs, locking his wheels in place. Sweat formed on his brow and his arms shook as he slowly raised himself. "Rrrrr... One!"

________________________________________________________________________

Saturday rolled around quickly. He had managed to get at least some of the rest of his stuff packed, but even a small chore like that left him winded and tired. His stamina was definitely improving, but it wasn't what it used to be, which frustrated him to no end.

Breda was able to pull himself away from the hospital for a few hours and helped Havoc with some of the heavy stuff until Ross came over at her usual time. They took a brief respite for breakfast, and had just started to pack again when there was a knock at the door. When he answered it, he saw Falman, Fuery and Armstrong with giant smiles on their faces.

"Oh, Lieutenant Havoc it is so good to see you again!" Before anyone knew it, Armstrong had his shirt off with the usual pink sparkles dotting his face. He bent down and put a bear hug on Havoc, crushing the air out of his lungs. "It is so wonderful, you are moving, and Breda tells us you have a girlfriend! Oh what a wonderful thing love is!"

"Crushing... can't... breathe."

Armstrong let him go, tears still streaming down his cheeks. "I am so happy for you two!"

Ross' cheeks flushed a deep red and she shyly smiled. "I don't really know if we are a couple yet. I mean we are still trying to figure everything out," she tried to explain, but the giant of a man was having nothing of it.

"Oh love is a many splendored thing!" he exclaimed.

The rest of the group just went inside and left Armstrong to talk to himself.

_________________________________________________________________________

With the plethora of help, it took no time at all to pack the rest of Havoc's belongings in boxes and stack them in the living room. Havoc made a quick call to Hawkeye to tell them to meet them at Ross' apartment. He relayed the directions that Ross had given him to Hawkeye and told them to be there by lunch.

"Alright, I think Hawkeye managed to find the Fuhrer a good reason to procrastinate on doing his paperwork today. I am sure it didn't take too much convincing," Havoc said and smiled as he put down the phone and went back to his friends, who were taping up the last few boxes.

"I am sure that helping out his friend is reason enough, even without all the paperwork," Ross replied.

"Ha! I am sure getting away from the office has NOTHING to do it," Havoc quipped and then gave a familiarly goofy grin. "It has everything to do with finding a way to annoy Hawkeye by not getting his work done without getting shot."

"They are married now. She wouldn't shoot him."

"Oh, that is all the more reason for her to do it!"

There was laughter all around.

________________________________________________________________________

Working for the military did have its perks at times, such as being able to borrow a couple of small trucks to help move stacks of boxes and people from one place to another. Unfortunately, since the trucks sat high off the ground, there was little that Havoc could do to help. He grumbled and had to resort to trying to control traffic in and out of the small walkway and blind turn to get from Breda's front door to where the trucks were parked. There was only one close call, where Breda and Fuery barely avoided running into each other, but besides that it went fairly smoothly.

It was getting close to noon when they finished packing the boxes and loaded everyone into the trucks. Then they found another snag. The trucks were so tall that there was no way Havoc could transfer himself into the seat. He hadn't had to be lifted up since the day he left the hospital- when he had help getting from his bed to the wheelchair.

He had no choice. His pride couldn't get in the way. It was simply impossible. He sighed and asked everyone else to not look while Armstrong gently lifted him up and placed him in the passenger side in the front of the lead truck.

"Thanks, Armstrong," Havoc said softly, his eyes cast downward. He had come so far, but something this simple was all he needed to remind himself that in the grand scheme of things, he was still pretty helpless. Havoc frowned and stayed quiet. Armstrong nodded and closed the door. Breda took the driver's seat of the car that Havoc and Ross were in, and Armstrong drove the second truck with Falman and Fuery. In just a few moments, they were off.

It was a short and overall pleasant drive, even if Havoc was quiet and brooding- his arms crossed. He knew it would have to happen again, and was the last thing he looked forward to. He tried to tell himself that it was for he best. He was starting a new life in a new place- and hell; he would be living with Ross. Even if they were just friends- so far.

When they arrived, Armstrong took out the wheelchair first and got Havoc down and situated, then the rest of the group filed out of the trucks. "Hey!" Ross exclaimed. Everyone turned to where she pointed a finger towards another part of the parking lot. They saw the distinctive vehicle that was the Fuhrer's personal car.

The doors opened and Hawkeye came out, and opened the passenger door. Havoc smiled and waved his bad mood at least for the moment broken. "Hey, chief!"

Mustang walked over to Havoc and saluted as he said, "Good to see you again, Lieutenant Havoc."

"Aw, come on Chief. No need to be formal here."

He managed a small smile and then said, "Welcome home, Jean."

_______________________________________________________________________

The first load of boxes was a light one. Havoc was anxious to take a look at the layout. Ross had taken some measurements to make sure that he would be able to move around, but with everything that happened he hadn't had time to check the place out for himself. He trusted her that it would work- and even if it wasn't perfect, it was going to be with her- so it would work out fine.

He rolled inside with Ross right behind him. As he went in the door, the small open dining room that was really nothing more than space for a dining room table and chairs was straight ahead. The small, but open kitchen was behind that and to the left and the living room was to the right. The larger bedroom that Havoc would be using was off the living room, and on the other side of the living room was a small hallway where the main bedroom, the bathroom, and the closet were.

The hallway was a tight fit and he had to keep his hands close to his sides when he was pushing himself down it, but it was workable. The kitchen would require some finesse to maneuver around and be able to open the icebox. But the counters weren't so high that they were totally unusable. It was a pretty place, using white and muted colors for the walls and sparse furniture. Still, it definitely had a woman's touch, with pretty floral patterned pillows and throws.

"Not much of a bachelor pad," Havoc joked and Ross gave him a little playful shove to his shoulder. "But I guess it will do," he said as he looked up at her, a huge smile on his face. "Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

She grinned back, leaning down until she was only a few inches away from his face. He bit his lip slightly. He could smell her perfume, her soap, and all her uniquely wonderful scents. He closed his eyes for just a moment. She leaned in, closer... and closer.

"Lieutenant Havoc! This is a wonderful place!" Armstrong exclaimed as he burst in, holding what seemed like an impossible amount of boxes in each arm. In half a heartbeat Havoc and Ross broke apart, and Havoc nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. He could only hope that the hulking man didn't notice his heart racing or his flushed cheeks. If Armstrong had noticed, he said nothing. "I am so proud of you! Now let me show you a form of box moving that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

He kept talking, but Havoc found it hard to pay attention. He looked at Ross, who blushed and flashed him a smile. Then she turned and went out the door to gather another handful of boxes.

"Damn it, I need a cigarette," Havoc said and then groaned.

________________________________________________________________________

Soon afterward, they took a break for lunch. Ross called a local deli that delivered a variety of sandwiches and side dishes, and they spread out a couple of old bedspreads on the ground and had an impromptu picnic lunch outside in the front of the apartment. It was very pleasant. Everyone had a chance to tell funny, or embarrassing (usually both) stories about Havoc when he they were all soldiers together.

There were a few stories about the time he had attempted to ask Armstrong's sister out on a date, which caused everyone to fall into laughing fits. Havoc smiled, but it was a sad, nostalgic smile.

"How is she, anyways?" he asked.

"Wouldn't you know it, Lieutenant Havoc she found herself a nice, strong man and they have been married about a year now!" Armstrong replied, beaming.

"Hmm... that's good I guess," he said and then sighed softly.

There was quiet for a short time, an embarrassed, awkward kind of silence, before Breda managed to start a conversation about how smart and pretty his daughter was going to be. He was positively radiant when he was talking about her. Havoc didn't miss the look of sadness in Mustang's eyes. He knew who the man was thinking about, another man who the former colonel had thought of like a brother, a man whose whole life revolved around his family.

It seemed a bit odd, Havoc thought. He hadn't thought about Hughes for a long time. His death had been avenged, his killer brought to justice and Mustang had seemed to finally be at peace. But old ghosts die hard, it seemed. Everyone had been affected by his death, but none more so outside his family than Mustang. He couldn't begin to imagine how that had felt to lose a man he had considered to be his brother and best friend.

"Hey, why don't we go ahead and get back to work. I know Maria has to head out soon," Havoc said as he interrupted a story told by Breda about how cute she was the first time she belched after a feeding. There were nods of agreement and everyone helped to clean up. Havoc was pretty sure that at least a couple people were glad that he had interrupted Breda, as he seemed ready to keep going on until the sun set. His eyes met Mustang's for a moment. He saw the relief in those deep black pools as the Fuhrer mouthed a 'thank you' to his former solider. Havoc just smiled and nodded.

___________________________________________________________________

The boxes were almost all moved in when Ross said that she had to leave for another rehab appointment. She put the spare key to the apartment in Havoc's hand and gently closed his hand over it. "I will be back later tonight. Just make yourself at home," she whispered to him. Then she turned to the rest of her fiends and said, "I am sorry I have to leave, but I just want to thank you all for helping. I will be sure to invite you all over for dinner one night!"

Eventually, everyone else filed out. Mustang and Hawkeye were first. She was pretty sure the papers weren't going to sign themselves, so they left right after Ross. Armstrong, Falman and Fuery stayed a little longer, but eventually had to get going as well to return the trucks. Breda was the last to go. He was anxious and wanted to get back to his wife, but he was nervous about leaving his best friend alone in a new place.

"I will be fine, Breda. I promise. I have phone numbers if I need to call someone," he said and then paused. Both of them were quiet for a minute. It was unspoken, but Havoc knew what Breda was thinking. If Havoc did a problem, he probably wouldn't be able to get to a phone anyways, but neither of them wanted to think about that, so it remained unspoken.

"Alright, bud. Keep in touch though and call the hospital later. They can get a hold of me. That way I know you haven't blown anything up," he said and then chuckled nervously, still trying to shake his previous thoughts out of his head.

"I will. Thanks, Heymans. You are my best friend I can never repay you for everything."

Hearing his first name threw him off. He slapped his friend's back. "Oh, you will pay me back by babysitting. Don't worry!" And with that, he let himself out, to let Havoc be alone with this thoughts.

The first thing Havoc did was take a small tour around the apartment again to get himself more familiar with its layout and to figure out the best way for him to get around. The only real problem was the narrow hallway, and the only room he needed down there was the bathroom. It was the first room down the hall, so it wasn't going to be too big of a deal.

In the kitchen he found that in order to open the icebox he had to wedge himself into the corner at an odd angle, open the door and get what he needed. When the door was closed again, there was enough room for him to get where he needed to. It was definitely a step down from the larger house than Breda had, but it did have its charms.

Maria Ross was definitely first on that list.

___________________________________________________________________________

Havoc spent the rest of the day alternating between unpacking the boxes that he could lift and get to and resting. By the time he was just too tired to do any more, the sun had long since set and his stomach was rumbling for dinner. He thought about trying to make dinner to pay Ross back for letting him stay here, but was nervous about using a stove he didn't know anything about yet, and he thought about Breda's warning not to burn anything down, which reminded him.

He made a quick call to the hospital to check in with Breda. He told his friend that he had decided to heed his warning and not risk burning her apartment down on the first night, and that he was fine. He told Breda that Maria should be home soon, so he should be fine. It was a short call and by the time it was over, he felt a little better, a bit less tired. He rolled back to his bedroom with the plan of getting some fresh clothes and taking a shower.

As was the case when he had lived with Breda and Janet, he left his door cracked slightly. It was a throwback to when he had first gone back to his parents' house and he fell out of his chair. Because he had been about to get in the shower, he had locked the door and it had taken over half an hour for his parents to find a way to get in. Thankfully he hadn't been hurt, but from them on they insisted that no matter what, he leave the door ajar so they could get to him in case of an emergency.

He undressed and draped a towel across his lap. He put his fresh clothes on top of the towel and turned, ready to wheel himself towards the shower. But he hesitated. For a moment, he wasn't even sure why.

His mind started to wander and he realized that no matter what he was trying to think about, he always drifted to the same person.

"Maria."

He looked shocked for a moment when he said it, surprised that it left his lips. Somehow, he wasn't really surprised when he saw that there was a tenting in the fabric of his towel. He could see it, even under the small pile of clothes.

With a little sigh, Havoc put the clothes back onto the bed and rubbed at the towel lightly. He felt the soft terrycloth under his fingers, but felt nothing else. No matter how many times he tried, he just couldn't seem to get used to not being able to feel his own touch.

Still, even if it was nothing, he couldn't help it. His mind wandered back to how she had looked earlier that day, her forehead had a soft sheen from moving all those boxes. Her hair was still perfect though and he could still smell the soap that she used, it must have been infused with lavender.

It didn't surprise him when his hand started to move under the towel and brush against his stiffness. Even if he didn't feel it below his waist, a shiver still ran up his spine. The rest of his body let him know that it liked what he was doing.

"Maria..." he moaned again, wasting no time in gently gripping himself. All he could do was hope that he wouldn't hurt himself, not being able to feel exactly what he was doing. He knew this was wrong, all wrong- thinking about her like that, playing with a body part he couldn't even feel- it was wrong, but he couldn't stop himself.

He knew his own rhythm well. There had been many nights after a failed date, or a Friday night when he was just sure that the colonel was out with his former girlfriend that he had resorted to pleasing himself. He was so unlucky that it was literally second nature to him, and he knew the spots that made him forget about the rest of the world.

Havoc shut his eyes. His body ached with need. He arched his back and leaned his head back, his breath hitching in his throat. It was surreal, feeling it but not. Below his waist there was nothing, but his body knew, he felt it, more intense than it had been in the past.

Her eyes. Her hair. Her smell. Her face. He was dead to the world. She was all he could think about. How did she taste? How would her lips feel pressed against his? How close to heaven would he be if he heard her moan his name?

The pace quickened. He could hardly breathe. His body shook, his mind raced. He could feel it building within him... that fire..

"Jean?"

... The need...

"Jean? Are you okay?"

... The desire...

"Jean! Where are you?"

The world moved in slow motion. Havoc heard the creak of the bedroom door opening. He was on the cusp, his world threatening to break open, and it all came crashing down in a heartbeat.

"Jean? I-"

His eyes snapped open, his hands came out from hiding under the blanket, and through the haze of desire and lust, and he could see her standing there, like a deer in the spotlight, wide eyed and cheeks a deep red.

"I... umm... will come back," Ross stammered, turning around and shutting the door to the bedroom behind her.

"Oh shit!" He didn't even bother to do any more than throw a few pieces of clothing over his towel in an effort to try to hide the still tented fabric. He rolled out towards the living room, surprised to see here there and not hiding in her room like he would have done if he had surprised her like that.

"Maria... I... um..."

She walked over to him, leaned down and smiled, giving him the most gentle of kisses on the forehead.

"It is okay, Jean. We all have needs. I am going to head to bed now. If you want, we can talk about this in the morning," she said and then smiled one more time and patted his hand, then stood up and walked towards the hallway.

"Goodnight, Jean."

"Um... goodnight, Maria."

Havoc turned around and wheeled back towards the bedroom, hoping and praying that in his moment of near euphoria, she hadn't heard him whisper her name.


	13. Firsts

It was close to quitting time, and Havoc had managed to avoid the Fuhrer all day. It hadn't been easy, and several time he had to resort to waiting down an adjoining hallway until Mustang had finished talking to whomever had stopped him in the hall for whatever 'vitally important issue' that seemed to plague the military this time. He had absolutely no intention of letting Mustang know about what had happened the night before. Just telling him about the stiffy a few days before had been bad  
enough. This was ten times worse.

That morning Maria had done an abbreviated version of his morning exercises. She had been pleasant enough and a bit on the talkative side. Havoc never claimed to be terribly bright, but he knew neither of them wanted the awkward silence that hung around them, threatening to stifle them if their conversation hesitated for even a moment- if they had time to think about what had happened. So they talked about everything but about what happened the night before. Mostly they talked about Breda  
and Janet and how the baby would be coming home soon.

Havoc had been rather glad she had to leave early for an appointment with another solider. He was left in the apartment, though. And it was quiet. Very quiet. It gave him time to ponder the evening before. She hadn't been as shocked or disgusted as he thought she would be. She could have run away or gotten mad that he would do that at her place, but she was very understanding.

But why?

Well, it was obvious that they liked each other. But still, she didn't *SEE* anything. He was under a towel. Although it didn't take a genius to know what he was doing. Did she want to see more? Did she like what he was doing?

He shook his head. He certainly wasn't going to ask her that, so it was a moot point.

Havoc sighed and looked up at the clock. It was only five minutes until quitting time. "I am going to head out. I will see you tomorrow, sir." He saluted Colonel Polsten, his immediate superior, who saluted back.

"Have a nice evening, Lt. Havoc." He smiled and put his head back down, immersing himself in his paperwork. Havoc grinned, his mind wandering back to the colonel he knew that would never have devoured paperwork as much as his current commanding officer. He and Mustang were about as polar opposites as two could be, but Havoc liked Polsten. He was gregarious and funny, a lot more like Hughes than anyone else he had formerly worked with.

His mind wandered as he rolled himself down the hallway and towards the exit, where he knew a car would be waiting to take him home.

Home. What a strange word. He had never really considered anywhere besides his parent's house 'home' before. How, had he found somewhere that would earn that title? He had other things to worry about at the moment. He was nearing the moment of truth. What would happen when he got home? Would she try to avoid him? Would she make him talk about it? Or would she try to initiate something...

"No!" he said, shaking his head harder this time.

"No, what, Lt. Havoc?"

Havoc stopped dead in his tracks. He looked up to see the Fuhrer outside the entrance of Central Headquarters, apparently stepping out to get a little air.

"Um... nothing sir." He saluted and quickly tried to roll past, towards the ramp on the side of the building, but Mustang wasn't going to let him off that easily. He quickly took a few steps forward and blocked Havoc's path again.

"Come on, Havoc. What is it? I saw you trying to avoid me all day. Something is up." Havoc groaned. He had been so proud of himself. He thought he had been able to be stealthy. He certainly had been good at prowling around before he was stuck in a chair, and it had done his ego some good to know that he still had some of his skills.

But egos can deflate as just as quickly, and Mustang bore witness to another chunk of Havoc's pride being whittled away while stuck with useless legs.

"Sir, please. I promise I will talk about it another time, but I really don't want to right now. I just wanna get home, have a beer and a cold shower, and go to bed. It has been a long day." To Havoc's surprise, Mustang stepped to the side and out of his way.

"Okay, Lt. Havoc. But I will remember this conversation." His serious tone made Havoc shudder. He had no doubt that his former colonel would bring his up again. Mustang put his hand on Havoc's shoulder and spoke quieter, his serious, almost emotionless tone dropping. He leaned in towards Havoc's ear. "I am your friend, Jean. If you have a problem, I want you to feel like you can trust me to tell me what is going on."

"I promise, another time, sir." Havoc saluted again and rolled down towards the ramp before he listened to the nagging voices in his brain to spill everything that was thinking about Ross, and himself.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Havoc was more than glad that the driver could tell that Havoc wasn't in a talkative mood that evening while he drove him home. It was a quiet, slightly awkward drive. Havoc stared out the window and watched the blur of buildings go by for the short ride back to the apartment complex where Ross lived.

As usual, the driver parked the car, got the chair out next to Havoc's door, and opened the door, letting him transfer to the chair and shutting the door behind him.

"Thanks." was all he muttered before rolling towards the inevitable. His mind was a whirl. What was he going to find? Ross had interacted with him in the morning because she had to. Now it was their free time, and who knows what she had planned. He had never thought to ask her what she did in the evenings after she got off of work. Last night she had been working later than usual, but tonight was a regular schedule, so he would see Ross like he never had before.

And it scared him.

He fumbled with his key chain until he finally found the right one.

Then it fell from his hand and bounced right behind one of his wheels.

"Shit," he muttered, trying to lean down to the side to get the keys. His arms were long, but not quite long enough. His fingers brushed against the edge of the keychain, pushing it slightly further under his chair.

"Fucking shit!"

Sweat formed on his brow from the exertion. He tried to maneuver his arm so he could reach under the hand rest and lean down further, but there wasn't enough room to move his body under so he could snake his arm down that way. "Oh, come on. You have to be fucking kidding me." He sighed, banging his head loudly on the apartment door out of sheer frustration.

A few seconds later, Ross opened the door, wearing a pretty red dress. She was wearing a little makeup, and her hair was styled. Havoc looked utterly confused. "A... date?" he asked quietly, hoping to God that his body wasn't betraying him yet again at seeing how beautiful she looked.

She smiled and motioned her head backwards into the apartment, where he saw the dining room table had been made up- with a white linen tablecloth, a tall blue candle in the center, and two perfectly placed table settings across from each other. "I just wanted to welcome you properly- to Central, and to my apartment. I hope you don't mind." She blushed just a little and leaned down, picking up the keys  
that she noticed glinting in the light and placing them gently in his lap.

"I... I... um... no..." Havoc stammered, looked at the keys, and then looked back at Ross. She turned around and walked into the apartment, and Havoc followed behind a few seconds later, closing the front door behind him. He smelt a light fragrance-something like lavender, coming from a few other candles that he hadn't seen before. They were sitting on the kitchen counter, behind the table. There was  
soft music coming from the radio in the living room, and most of the lights were off, giving the flickering candles a chance to bathe the room in a rather romantic, low light.

"It... is... great... you are great... I mean you look wonderful... Um... that is..." Ross put a hand on Havoc's shoulder, smiling and gently shushing him with her finger.

"It's alright, Jean. Just relax, please. I felt so bad about... well you know." She smiled and blushed more. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. I know you have been in Central a while and I don't think you have had time to relax. So please, just relax. Take a few minutes to get out of your uniform and into your normal clothes. No need to dress up. I still have to finish dinner."

"Um... okay... er... thanks..." Havoc felt his face flush a little red. He smiled softly, then rolled to his bedroom, where he closed and locked the door this time, only the second time he had done that since the incident. He wished there was a bathroom in there- he felt like he needed to wash the day away. But it wasn't, so he carefully undressed and laid his dress blues on the bed, and put on a tight fitting black t-shirt and a pair of khaki pants, the clothes that he had always considered his 'dressing down' outfit.

It was about 15 minutes later when he emerged from the bedroom. At first Ross didn't see him. She was busy placing plates of what looked like some sort of chicken dish on the table. He gently cleared his throat and she turned around quickly, a broad smile on her face.

"You look nice." She grinned and turned away, hoping the hot flush in her cheeks didn't show. The tight black shirt left little of the man's upper body mass to the imagination. Since being stuck in a wheelchair, his upper body strength had to make up for his lack of lower body movement, and a body that had already been toned in the past was even more well defined than before.

"Uh... thanks." He smiled. She had thoughtfully moved the chair away from one of the plates she has set so he could wheel right in under the glass table. It only cleared his legs by a few inches- almost the perfect height. He sniffed at the food but didn't dig in, as tempting as it looked. "This smells great, Maria."

"It is a really easy dish, just chicken in a wine sauce with some mushrooms and potatoes. If you cook, I can give you the recipe."

"I better not. Breda is afraid I will burn your apartment down."

Ross giggled and brought a bowl of rice to the table, then sat down. "I am sure you would do fine cooking, Jean. I have faith in you, even if your best friend doesn't."

Havoc smiled back, immediately digging into his chicken. "He is my best friend, that is why he *knows* that I probably would. I am sure he can tell you some stories about when were in Basic together. I'm surprised he hasn't already!" He took a big bite, his face lighting up. "Mmm! This tastes even better than it smells!"

"Thanks." She took a bite as well, smiling broadly. "And who says that he hasn't told me stories? I know there was one time with a goat and some toilet paper... " Havoc started to choke on the piece of chicken that he had just put in his mouth. He coughed it down and gave Ross a wide eyed stare.

"It's okay. The general never figured out who it was, and your secret is safe with me. Yet another thing I have that I can hold over your head!" She practically beamed, and suddenly Havoc felt less hungry than he had a moment ago. "Come on, eat. You big goofball, I am not gonna tell anyone!"

Havoc started back on his food, slower than he had been a moment before. Ross only let the conversation die for a few moments before starting up again. "So, since you owe me, I have an idea." Havoc stopped, his mouth still full of food, to give her a confused look.

"Well, I really don't consider this a date, since we both live here and I am just making dinner for both of us. But why don't we go out... on a real date? That is... if you want to..." Ross' bravado suddenly waned, and her cheeks flushed a deep red again.

Havoc swallowed loudly, careful not to choke on his food again. "I... um... would like that... a lot," he stammered as he nervously rubbed at the back of his neck. "A week from now, I have a day off. If... er... you are free."

"I only have one other appointment that day, but it is earlier in the day, so that shouldn't be a problem. I'll call a cab to come pick us up at... say... 1900 hours?"

"Uh.. okay. I know a really nice Drachman restaurant on the other side of town. A little fancy, but not too bad. My treat."

Ross smiled broadly as she said, "Hey, why don't we get a ride a little earlier, maybe 1800 hours, and go to the park first? I bet I can come up with some stale bread to feed the birds."

Havoc smiled and nodded, and took another bite of chicken. "So... it's a date?"

"It's a date, then. I am really looking forward to it."

"Me too."

They were quiet for a short time while they finished their meals. When they were done, Maria took the plates and ran some water over them, leaving them in the sink.

"Do you want some help?"

"Nah, I will get them later. Let's just talk for a while." She walked over to the couch and sat down, patting the cushion next to her. Havoc rolled over to the couch and transferred onto it. It was the first time he had sat there, and he found it rather comfortable.

"What did you want to talk about?" Havoc asked, one hand nervously scratching at his face, the other flat palmed on the couch cushion. Ross took her hand and put in on top of his, tracing his fingers with hers in small circles. He shivered, letting out a soft gasp, and she immediately took her hand away.

"Are you okay?"

He nodded and smiled. "It is just that... well... certain places just seem like they are more sensitive than they used to be," he said and then paused for a moment. "They aren't really, it just seems like for whatever reason, even a small touch can really feel good. It isn't a bad thing. I just have to get used to it. Please... you can put your hand back. I... I liked it."

Ross smiled and placed her hand on top of his again. She left it there, still for a while, but eventually started to rub at his long, slightly calloused fingers. He shivered again and smiled, content to sit in the relative silence of the radio softly playing classical music. He had never gotten much of an appreciation for it, figuring it was more Mustang's thing, but for this evening, it went together perfectly.

A short time later, he yawned, immediately trying to stifle it with his other hand, but Ross had seen it.

"You tired?"

"Yeah," he sadly admitted. He didn't want this to end, but ever since the incident, he didn't have the stamina he used to, and he found himself going to bed a lot earlier than he had before. "I am sorry. I didn't used to be such an early sleeper."

"It is okay. I understand. It has been a big couple of days, with moving and... all that." She blushed a little, not bringing up the evening before.

He sighed and transferred back to his chair. "I promise, for our date I will stay up as long as you want." He groaned and slapped his face, realizing how bad that sounded. "I mean... I didn't mean it like that. I meant... "

"It is okay. You always seem so nervous around me. Please, just relax. It is fine," she said as she leaned over and gave him a short kiss on the cheek. "You sleep well, Jean. I will see you in the morning for your exercises!"

"Okay... goodnight, Maria." He rolled towards his room and closed the door gently.

Ross smiled and stood up, walking back towards the dirty dishes in the sink. "Goodnight."


	14. A Night Out

For the first part of the week, Havoc had been able to keep it together. He tried not to show his nervousness about his first date since the incident.

But by the time Thursday came around, he was a wreck. He could tell that both Hawkeye and Mustang knew something, but they had been oddly silent. Like they had been avoiding him for most of the week. That was what worried him, more than Mustang's usual habit of bugging him obsessively- trying to figure out what was wrong with him.

His concern increased exponentially when he found a note lying on his desk when he came into work on Friday morning.

_Havoc-_

You have a meeting with Lt. Colonel Hawkeye and myself today. Colonel Polsten has already been informed. You will be in my office at precisely 1500 hours. You owe me a conversation.

Fuhrer Mustang

Havoc gulped. He knew that his former commanding officer had to be formal when they were communicating around the office, but there was something about the tone of the letter, how the order was written, that unnerved him more than a little. He sighed and rubbed his temples. And even better, he thought, it cut right into his lunch time. Great.

He started towards the Fuhrer's office to give himself plenty of time. Even wheeling through the crowded hallways, he got there plenty early, and knocked on the outside office door.

"Come in." He knew that voice anywhere.

Hawkeye.

He opened the door and pushed himself into the massive office, with Hawkeye's huge desk not quite against the wall on one side. She looked up from her paperwork and gave Havoc a wide, warm smile.

"Hello, Lieutenant Havoc. The Fuhrer will see you now." To his surprise, she got up and walked over to the inner office door and opened it, holding it for him. He was confused for a moment. She has just seen him open the other door, why would he need help with this one? He frowned. He hated it when people helped him if he didn't need it. He wasn't helpless, damnit!

"Thanks." He said more than a little bitterly. "But I don't need.."

"I am going in as well, Lt. Havoc. Now if you please, after you."

"Oh." He wheeled himself in, and Hawkeye followed, closing the door behind her. Mustang looked up from a letter that he was reading, straining and holding it close to his face, like he was trying to understand it. He eagerly put it down, glad to have a reason not to stare at it for a while.

The Fuhrer swept his hand in front of the sandwiches that had been arranged on his desk. "Please, eat. I apologize for cutting into your lunch time, but this was the only free time that I had available today." Havoc grabbed a sandwich and started to munch on it.

"Now, to business." He folded his hands and leaned forward. "I know you remember that you owe me a conversation- right, Lieutenant Havoc?"

Havoc coughed, choking and sputtering on his sandwich. Mustang just grinned and leaned back in his plush leather chair.

"I will take that as a yes. Well, I wasn't sure what you were so nervous about earlier this week, but I just heard about what was going on. I wanted to take a moment to tell you how happy I am that you and Ms. Ross are getting along. I hear that you guys are going to go out on a date. I want to wish you both the best of luck."

Havoc swallowed the bite of sandwich he had in his mouth and put the rest down, flashing his former commanding officer a very confused look. 'How much does he know?' He wondered, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red.

"I made some arrangements. I know you were going to take her to that Drachman restaurant, but I found a nicer place. It is usually hard to get reservations, but not if you are the Fuhrer." Mustang gave him a smug, confident smile and slid a piece of paper across the desk to Havoc. He picked it up and read it, his eyes going wide.

"Le- Le Cellier? That place is expensive! I.. appreciate the gesture, sir. But on my salary I can't afford to take myself, much less a date. I am sorry, Fuhrer." Havoc put the paper back down on the desk and slid it back towards the previous owner.

Mustang's face got serious. "Jean. This is my treat. It is so nice to see you so happy with someone. And she is so happy as well. I know.. well.. I may have caused some trouble in the past when it came to your love life. Consider this a repayment." He pushed the paper back once again.

"And I won't take no for an answer, Lieutenant Havoc." His grin was almost predatory, like he knew he had caught Havoc in an impossible situation.

"I.. um.. okay, sir. Thank you, sir."

"You are dismissed, Havoc. Please, take a couple of sandwiches when you go." He saluted, and smiled broadly again. "Oh yeah, and Ms. Ross doesn't have to know who paid for it. Neither of us will say anything to her, and if she asks, you can tell her whatever you like- you had money in the bank, your parents sent birthday money, whatever."

Havoc saluted, put a couple of sandwiches on a napkin in his lap, and turned towards the exit. "Thank you, sir."

Mustang grinned and waved, as he said "Good luck, Jean."

__________________________________________________

The next day, both Ross and Havoc wanted to rush through their morning exercises, in some vain hope that it would speed time up and the evening would come faster. As it was though, time seemed to drag quite a bit, especially for Havoc, when he had the apartment to himself in the early afternoon.

He tried to pass the time by assisting Ross and cleaning the living room, but after a couple of close calls when he almost knocked over a vase, he decided that cleaning in a wheelchair might not be too great of an idea with her tall shelves.

Havoc was able to do a little straitening up in the living room and in his room. He was also able to clean a little in the kitchen. He felt satisfied, and tired, by the time he had finally run out of things to clean. The bathroom looked good, and the only other room in the place was Ross' bedroom. He really felt weird about going in there was she wasn't around, so he figured that he would leave that cleaning to  
her.

Sufficiently tuckered out, he went to his room and laid down for a little bit, still disappointed at the amount of energy it took to do even simple things. He yawned and figured he would just rest his eyes for a few minutes, so he didn't even bother to set the alarm...

__________________________________________________

He was woken by Maria, who was gently shaking his shoulder. "Jean… Jean, wake up. It's 1700 hours. Are you alright? Do you still feel well enough to go out tonight?"

Sleepily, he blinked a couple of times, then awoke with a start gripping the sheets tight. His eyes went wide. "Oh, Maria! Hey.. I am sorry." His voice was deep and thick with sleep. "Yeah, I'll be okay, just give me a little while to get ready. I want to take a shower.

She blushed slightly and smiled. "I'll shut the door behind me." She winked and smiled broadly. Ross turned and left.

Havoc yawned and stretched. He smiled at what Ross had said. Apparently she hadn't forgotten about the incident about a week before. He transferred to his chair and gathered the clothes that he wanted to wear on the date, and a towel- then opened the door and wheeled himself out of the room and down the hallway, towards the bathroom.

For whatever reason, he couldn't wipe the smile from his face.

___________________________________________________________

Even for a man who had been in his wheelchair for almost half a decade, it took him the entire hour to take a shower, re-dress, and get ready for the date, including a shave that nearly cost him a tiny chunk of his ear. He was so nervous that his hand was shaking. It amazed him that he hadn't bled any worse than the half dozen tiny nicks he had.

By the time he rolled out of the bedroom and into the living room, it was almost 1800 hours, and Ross was waiting on the couch. She stood up when he came in and gently cleared his throat.

"Wow, you look beautiful." Havoc blushed and smiled moving forward and taking her hand. She smiled back and gave his hand a little squeeze.

"Are you ready? The taxi is already outside. I told him to wait."

He nodded his head and replied, "Let's go.

It was a short ride to the largest park in Central. Havoc paid the driver, and they headed towards the middle of the park. Havoc tried to hold her hand, but he couldn't maneuver his wheelchair at the same time.

"I know you don't like it, but I can push you if you want me to. It is up to you." Ross leaned down and whispered in his ear.

He sighed and shook his head. "I still wouldn't get to hold your hand. And you are right. I don't. But thanks anyways. I know you mean well."

Ross smiled back at him and stopped where they were, a secluded section of the park that she used to come to when she needed time to think alone. She had found it by accident years ago and kept coming back because it never seemed to be crowded like the rest of the park, especially in the evenings when she came after work to unwind.

She sat down at the end of a stone bench so Havoc could sit next to her. "Well, let's just stop here and not worry about who's pushing whom."

Havoc shook his head lightly and grinned, positioning himself parallel to her. He put his hand on top of hers and rested his head on her shoulder, shutting his eyes. "Mmm. This is really pretty. You can see the sun setting behind the trees."

"Yeah, Ross chuckled as she replied. I can't think of a more perfect evening."

For a while, no words needed to be said. They just stayed there, enjoying each other's company. The sun set, and the stars started to twinkle in the sky.

"That's the North Star." Havoc pointed to a bright star high up in the sky. "You remember in Basic, how they taught us to navigate with that star, so we always knew which way to go?"

"Yeah." Ross chuckled. "Navigation was never really my strong point, though. That was the only thing that almost kept me from not passing Basic Training. I never did like that North Star." She shook her fist playfully at the air.

"Hahah. You are really funny, Maria. I like that about you." He blushed and rubbed his finger over the back of her hand. He sighed, not wanting to move from this spot. "I.. guess we probably need to head back soon and catch a cab. This is wonderful, but we have a dinner reservation to make."

"You know, we really don't have to go, if you don't want to. It is really nice out here, and I wouldn't mind staying a little longer."

"Well, we...um.. are going somewhere different for dinner. It was hard to get the reservations, so we really should try to make them. I promise you, you will love it." He took his hand reluctantly off of hers and started to go back towards the way they came.

"Oh, somewhere different, huh? Are you going to tell me where?" She stood up and walked half a step behind him, her hand on his shoulder.

"Nah, let's let it be a surprise!"

It took them less time to flag down a car then they'd thought it would, so they told the drive to take it nice and slow. Havoc sat in the front seat and whispered the address to the man, while Ross was packing his chair into the back seat.

They enjoyed the ride, even though they weren't sitting together. While they meandered the streets of Central, Havoc pointed out some of the bars and hangouts that he and Breda and sometimes the rest of the gang- Falman and Fuery and even occasionally Hawkeye and Mustang went to after dinner. She had never joined then when she was a part of Central Command. She wasn't in their unit, and she didn't know any of them that well at the time.

"Le Cellier?" Ross asked when they pulled up. "Are you kidding? We can't afford to eat here. Besides, how in the world did you get a reservation? I heard this place books up to a year in advance sometimes!"

Havoc smiled and opened his door. "Well, as for the reservation, it is good to have friends in high places." His grin grew wider. "And as for affording it, you let me worry about that. I already said that this was my treat. You can order whatever you want."

"Jean, are you sure?"

"Yes, now your orders are to have a good time and don't worry!" Jean smiled and transferred to his chair after Ross had unfolded it for him. He paid the driver, and left a generous tip for taking his time and keeping the location a surprise.

The doorman for the restaurant held the door for them, and Havoc pulled the Matri'D aside and explained the situation. He nodded, as he told Havoc that everything had been arranged by the Fuhrer's secretary, and that they should enjoy themselves.

"Thank you, sir." Havoc shook his hand, tipping him discreetly as he did so. He led them down a small ramp into the main dining room, where the light was low and flickering, and came mostly from the small glass lamps on each able. He took them to a secluded table towards the back of the restaurant where a chair had already been taken away to leave room for  
Havoc to sit.

Havoc took a moment to look around. It was near perfect. Wood tables with low wooden chairs, metal and glass chandeliers that gave off a dim, even light, low, arching ceilings that really gave the appearance that you were in a wine cellar. The tables were immaculately set with  
linen napkins and an assortment of silverware that neither he nor Ross were sure what all of them were used for. They giggled about it, and were very relieved when Paul, their waiter explained all of the tableware to them.

They took a while to order from the menu, which was in a foreign language that neither of them recognized, as well as their own. Eventually, they settled on an appetizer of tomatoes in some sort of sour, acidic dressing with mushrooms. Havoc had steak with a side of creamy rice and vegetables, and Ross chose fish with sweet bread and corn.

Even though both of them were stuffed, they couldn't resist the desert menu and got a small chef's sampling, which included, cheese, puddings, and other wonderful, creamy things that they couldn't even begin to know what they were.

"Oh. I am stuffed. I don't think I can move."

Havoc patted his stomach, as he said, "Yeah. But I really don't want this night to end."

"Yeah, me either."

"You know, we are actually not that far from your apartment. The park was a ways away, but we came back towards you apartment for the restaurant."

"Ah, so you think we should walk this off, huh?" Ross smiled and daintily wiped her mouth with her napkin.

"Don't tell me you are afraid of walking at night."

"Not with you here to protect me, I'm not, she replied."

Havoc blushed just a little. The waiter brought the check that had already been taken care of, and a couple of mints that they pocketed for later. They thanked him and Havoc left a generous tip for the excellent service.

He chuckled to himself, thinking that the three tips that he'd left, would have probably paid for dinner at the Drachman restaurant. But this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and he was very glad he got to be a part of it.

"Shall we, Ma'am?" Havoc brushed his hand against hers, and started to wheel towards the exit. He had a little trouble going up the ramp, but he refused help and eventually got to the top, a light sheen of sweat on his brow. Suddenly he was wondering if he could make it back without tuckering out, but he promised when he agreed to the date that he wouldn't flake out early.

"Jean, are you sure you will be alright? We really can call a cab if you want." Havoc smiled. She was so caring, and she seemed to pick up on even his smallest nuances.

"Nah. It's okay. It is cool outside. I am sure it will feel good." He smiled and wheeled to the exit, which the doorman opened for them again.

"Have a good night, Sir, Ma'am." He bowed slightly. They smiled and waved at him, and were off.

The night was crisp and cool, with a slight breeze blowing from behind them as they started their trek back. The sky was bright and almost cloudless, with only a few light, wispy puffy clouds tracking slowly across the moon. The roads in Central were well lit, and neither of them felt nervous at all. There were still plenty of people milling about, trying to find stores that were still open at that time of the night.

Havoc did stop a couple of times to rest his arms, and when he did, Ross came around and gave his hand a little squeeze. They didn't talk much. Neither of them were too sure about what to say, and just being close to each other seemed to be enough for both of them.

They were both more than slightly disappointed when the apartment building came into view a short time later. Ross unlocked the door, and they paused in the living room, where the whole night had started.

"So, this is where we kiss goodnight, right?" Havoc felt his cheeks tinge slightly heat up. He looked up at Ross with a goofy smile.

"I think so. But do you want to turn in? I can put a pot of coffee on for us if you want."

Havoc sighed softly, and then replied, "I wish I could, but I am so tired. I was trying to not think about it, but I admit that it took a little more out of me than I thought it would." He smiled. "Maybe I can take a rain check on the coffee, and we can try this again sometime?"

"I would like that a lot."

She sat at the edge of a chair, and Havoc rolled over to her, taking her hand and kissing it softly. "I had a wonderful time, Ms. Ross." His grin was slightly mischievous.

"Why thank you, Mr. Havoc. It was wonderful." She leaned towards him. She was close enough to smell his aftershave and the lingering odor of cigarettes, even though he hadn't smoked a single one the entire night, and she knew how hard that must have been for him.

She leaned in closer and closed her eyes, not surprised when she felt a warm pair of lips press against hers. She could hardly breathe. She had been waiting for this, and now that it was here it hardly seemed real. It was him, and it was her, and the whole world just stopped for  
a few brief moments.

She could hear him sigh audibly when he broke away. He was as loathe to end it as she was. She opened her eyes and looked at the red-faced man.

"G-g-good night, Maria."

"Goodnight, Jean." She got up and walked back to her bedroom, closing the door behind her softly. He wanted to follow her so badly. He actually rolled once in that direction, but turned around and headed back towards his room.

He knew a good night's sleep was not an option.


	15. Feelings

Even though it had been close to three weeks since their last real date, Havoc felt as light and wonderful as he had that first night. He had even started to look forward to his therapy every morning. If someone had told him that he would actually enjoy his therapy sessions when he had started with Ross, he would have called them crazy.

Their morning routine always started out the same way. After Havoc was awakened by his alarm clock (he never had been an early riser), he took care of the morning necessities. Afterwards, he would go out onto the back porch and have a cigarette, while Ross got ready and make herself a bit of breakfast.

They would greet each other, Havoc gave her a soft, chaste kiss on the cheek, and he would get situated on the floor while she got her equipment ready. Then they would start.

Havoc had been progressing well. There hadn't been any major breakthroughs, but none had been expected. Lately, he had been practicing using a pair of crutches. At first, he taught himself to balance and worked on his upper body strength to keep himself upright. After a while, he attempted to swing his legs forward to try to become ambulatory. Unfortunately- more often that not, he ended up falling.

"Let's take a break, Jean." Ross said after his most recent attempt at using the crutches had left him in an awkward heap on the floor. He was sure that his ankle was going to be puffy and bruised- how he had fallen on it, but since he couldn't feel it, he knew that he had to be particularly careful to make sure that it didn't develop into anything worse.

She gently helped him into his chair, and he headed towards the back door to take a cigarette break, thoroughly exhausted. Ross stood behind him a few minutes later, draping her hands over his broad shoulders and resting her chin on the top of his head. "Are you okay?" she asked, softly whispering into his ear and giving the bottom of the lobe a light kiss.

"Yeah, I'm just worn out," he replied. "I feel like I need a shower and a nap, even after being at this just a short time. I'm so tired of this. I mean, I'm okay when I'm wheeling myself around. I don't get too tired, but when I try to exert myself, even just a little, I can't do it for long." He sighed, letting out a long, smoky breath.

Ross smiled and kissed him again- a bit harder on his cheek. "I don't think you realize it, but you've really improved. You're working a lot harder than you think. You have nothing to be ashamed of." She was silent for a second, and then she giggled as a thought came to her mind.

She grinned back at him and gave him a kiss on the other cheek. "Well, I know we've gone out, and I always have a good time when I'm with you. I'm so relaxed and comfortable when you're around. I can't believe how well it worked out- that we're sharing an apartment together."

"Tell you what," she started after pausing a second. "If you take me out on a date- and I mean a real date where we dress up and go out to dinner, not these informal get-togethers we have been having lately- after you finish your cigarette, we will have a short acupuncture session. Then we can call it a day. What do you say to that?"

Havoc smiled. He took one last drag of his cigarette, smashed the butt in the ashtray, and then turned himself around to face her. "Ah, so you have to resort to bribery, eh? Oh, the shame of it all!" Havoc put his hand to his forehead in mock indignation.

He put his hand on top of hers, interlacing their fingers for a brief moment. "I would love to go out on another date with you, Maria Ross," he said as he patted her hand, then rolled past her and back into the living room. "Now, let's get that acupuncture over with. I still hate needles." He shivered noticeably.

She followed behind him, nodding her head. "I know that's your least favorite part, but if you cooperate, you'll get a kiss at the end."

"Ah ha. That's the best kind of bribery!" Havoc flashed a goofy grin and transferred from the chair to the floor, bracing himself mentally for the inevitable.

_______________________________________________________________________________

Havoc wasn't sure the date could have gone much better. The next night that both of them had off from work, they dressed up in their nicest clothes and a taxi took them to a fancy noodle restaurant in the heart of downtown Central. As soon as they went in, the blond had gotten some odd looks from the patrons. Apparently they weren't used to a man in a suit, confined to a wheelchair. But neither he nor Ross said anything, and eventually most of them went on about their business.

Despite that setback, Havoc was determined not to let it ruin the rest of his evening, which made Ross feel much better. She noticed the stares, and had felt terribly embarrassed for Havoc. She could only imagine how he had felt. If it had been her, she wouldn't have been able to take the staring and whispering, and probably would've left in tears. She was proud of how Havoc had handled it- not with harsh words or rash actions. All he did was stare back, until they wilted under his gaze and decided that they didn't feel like looking any more.

Even the waiter had seen what happened, and personally came over to apologize. He sent over a bottle of wine on his tab. Havoc hadn't planned on having wine, but it was delicious, and they ended up ordering another bottle themselves.

More than slightly tipsy, they traveled around downtown Central for a while, enjoying the sights and sounds. Even though it was late, there were a few stores open, and Havoc waited patiently while Ross bought and changed into a new pair of high heeled shoes that didn't match as well, but were much more comfortable than the ones she had on.

As much as Havoc would never admit to it, Ross could tell after a while that he was starting to get tired, and she suggested that they find a taxi and get a ride back home.

"I don't want to ruin your fun," he protested.

"Trust me. It's fine. If you don't want to go to bed once we get back, I can make coffee and we can talk for a bit. That's fine with me." She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. "As long as I'm with you, then it's good."

"Well, okay then," he said and smiled in return, taking her hand and giving the back of it a light kiss.

It didn't take them long to hail a taxi, and soon they were back in their small apartment. Havoc was very tired, and Ross could tell, but neither of them wanted the night to end, and he talked her into making coffee, even though was sure he'd regret it in the morning.

When the coffee was ready, Ross brought it into the living room and set the cups and pitcher on the table. She sat on the couch, and he moved closer to her. They sipped on their coffee and chatted for a while. At first they mostly talked about work. She didn't get to visit Central Command much, so she asked how Mustang, Hawkeye and the rest of the gang were.

Eventually, the conversation worked towards their childhoods- and Havoc related a story about how when he was a kid, one of the neighbor's dogs got loose from its chain and knocked him over. "...And when I fell, that dog was this close to me!" Havoc wheeled as close as he could to Ross, until their legs were touching. He leaned forward, their noses just millimeters apart.

They were both silent for a moment. The two were so close, but they both seemed a bit unsure as to what to do next. Havoc felt her soft, warm breath on his face, and the perfume that she wore wafted into his nostrils. He finally leaned forward, turning his face slightly to kiss her on the lips- fully but gently.

If it was a minute or an hour before they broke that kiss, neither of them seemed to know for sure, nor did they care. Ross blushed and smiled, and Havoc gently took her delicate chin in his hand and pulled her back for a shorter kiss. "Maria." He said softly, rubbing the back of his hand against her cheek. He could feel her warmth as she flushed red. 'It makes her look even cuter, if that's possible,' he thought to himself.

"Jean." Her hand explored his, touching lightly. She traced her finger up his arm, eliciting a shiver from the man. She giggled. "I can feel the goose bumps on your arm."

"That felt good," he replied. "Please, don't stop."

Little else needed to be said. Fingers explored clothing and flesh. Lips met, and then tongues, dancing together in a sensual tango. The back of Ross' dress left little to the imagination. There was plenty of skin for Havoc to explore- and he did- running the pads of his fingers down her back, drawing a low moan from her lips.

He smiled- a mischievous smile, as he used his short fingernails to leave light red marks down her skin. "Oh..." she groaned, kissing his harder. She reached inside of his jacket and loosened his tie, then undid the top button of his white shirt. One of her hands snaked inside and teased a nipple, making him hiss in pleasure.

Havoc wiggled a little in his chair. He couldn't feel it, but he knew he was starting to get excited. It was easy to tell. His breath was short and ragged, and a fine sheen of sweat glimmered on his forehead. One quick look down confirmed that he was correct.

Ross saw that he was staring, and she followed his gaze into his lap. She smiled at him, giving him a short kiss on the lips. "I- I'm glad that I can... um... do that for you." She giggled nervously.

"Why wouldn't you?" He replied. "You're beautiful and wonderful, and great to be around. You're everything a guy could want." He paused for a moment and took her hand in his. "Everything... I want."

She looked at him and smiled, pulling her hand away from his. She laid it on his knee, and then looked up at him, making sure that he didn't mind. He only smiled back. Her hand moved slowly, agonizingly slowly up his knee, towards his thigh. She paused again, about halfway, waiting for any sign or noise that would indicate that this was unwanted or too forward.

No sign came.

Ross' hand moved up further, to the upper part of his outer thigh- so tantalizingly close where she could see the fabric tenting very noticeably. She licked her lips, wondering what was hiding so close, underneath those dress pants. 'It certainly looks sizable' she thought.

Havoc seemed to understand why she had paused, and he nodded. "If you... want to, you can," he said softly, his voice barely over a whisper. He knew that it was awkward for both of them. Neither of them were new to this, but it was different than anyone else. They were both exploring new limits- for themselves and each other.

Tentatively, her fingers brushed against the fabric, just next to the bulge. His breath hitched, and his eyes thinned for a moment. A shiver of pleasure ran up his spine. She moved to the zipper and slowly pulled it down, letting out an embarrassed giggle when she saw that he had decided to forgo the annoyance of underwear and had nothing on underneath.

His throat was dry and his cheeks flushed deep red. She reached into his pants and gently caressed the shaft with the tips of her fingers, moving from the base towards the head, which was already deepening in color with his growing arousal.

Suddenly, Jean gasped loudly, letting out a yelp of surprise. His eyes went as wide as saucers. Ross immediately pulled her hand away, deathly afraid that she had done something wrong. "What is it, Jean? What did I do?" She asked, terrified.

"I... I... I think could feel that," he said in a low, shaky voice. "I thought I felt you touch me!"


	16. The Value of Friendship

Jean didn't need an alarm clock to wake him up the next morning. He only got a couple hours of sleep- and even in his brief moments of slumber, he was tossing and turning. By the time Maria knocked softly on his door to wake him, he was already up and almost dressed- about ready to head to the bathroom for his morning routine.

"Come in," he called.

"Hey, Jean," she smiled as she walked in the door while he was finishing dressing in his favorite tight black t-shirt and a pair of black jeans. He rolled over to his dresser and grabbed a washcloth and a towel, then gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Morning," he replied, cheerily. "Have you called for a cab yet? I want to get going as soon as I can. I won't be in the shower long."

"Yes, I did." Her smile dropped for just a moment. "I'm sorry I can't come with you. This was short notice, and I couldn't reschedule my appointment this morning." As fast as it was gone, her smile reappeared. "But I want to hear all about it tonight. Over diner, okay?"

Jean grinned back at her. "You bet. And it's alright if you can't come. I highly doubt he's going to tell me anything that I don't already know. But I can dream, can't I?"

"Of course," she smiled and patted him on the shoulder. "Either way, I want to know what's going on."

"Okay." He flashed a warm smile and took her hand, giving it a quick squeeze. After holding it for a few moments, he let go and headed towards the bathroom. He could only hope that in his excitement this morning he didn't bleed to death shaving.

A short time later, he was ready- waiting anxiously in the living room for the cab to arrive. He had tried, for a while, to read a book- but he had always found it hard to focus, and had never been a huge fan of reading. He'd always been more of a hands on kind of guy. Of course, the excitement of the last couple of days made a hard task impossible, and he gave up reading after a few pages.

Maria came out of her bedroom, lugging a couple of bags of physical therapy equipment. She halted briefly to give Jean a quick kiss on the cheek before she headed to the door. "I probably won't be home when you get back from the doctor." She called over her shoulder. Most likely I won't see you off to work, either. But I'll be here when you get home tonight. See you then."

"Okay. Bye, Maria."

"Bye!" She waved and closed the door behind her. Jean sighed and ran a hand through his spiky blond hair. His stomach was fluttering, and his head pounded from anxiousness and a lack of sleep.

Thankfully, it was a short wait before he heard the honk of a horn outside. When he got to the cab, he found to his relief that the drive had experience with loading and unloading wheelchairs. Jean had given himself plenty of time to get to the hospital- just in case. He'd found out the hard way once- when he had been over half an hour late to work because the cab driver almost broke his wheelchair while trying to get it in the trunk of his car.

"Where to, sir?" The driver asked after he was done loading the passenger and his chair.

"Central Hospital, please."

"Yes, sir."

Even though it was a short ride, it drug on mercilessly. He was anxious to know if what had happened was a fluke, or a herald of more good news to come. They finally arrived, and it didn't take long for them to reassemble the chair with Jean's instructions. He transferred in, left the driver a good tip, and went inside the double doors that marked the entrance to the hospital.

As he glanced at the clock on the wall, he noticed that he was almost 45 minutes early, so he went back outside and smoked his first cigarette of the morning. Jean sighed happily as the nicotine entered his system, calming his frazzled nerves and slowing his racing heartbeat.

After he had finished the cigarette, he contemplated lighting a second one, knowing that time was not a factor, but one look at his almost depleted pack made him decide to ration what he had left. The doctor's visit was cutting into his free time, and he wasn't sure when he was going to have enough time or energy to get back to the store for more.

Havoc let out a smoky breath and deposited his butt in the trash can, then rolled back into the waiting room and up to the front desk, where an overweight woman in a white dress and a tight brown hair bun looked up from her magazine at him with a bored, indifferent glare.

"Yes? May I help you?" She looked down over her oval glasses at him, seemingly upset that he had interrupted her reading time.

"Lieutenant Jean Havoc, here to see Doctor Huey, please."

She grunted and looked at a piece of paper on a clipboard on the desk in front of her. "You're early," she noted, in a monotone. Before Jean could answer, she continued, thrusting a form on a clipboard out to him. "Fill this out. Then have a seat and wait for your name to be called." Without missing a beat, she picked up her magazine, once again oblivious to the world around her.

"Thanks," Jean sarcastically muttered under his breath. He put the clipboard on his lap and went to the corner- one of the few parts of the waiting room that wasn't crowded with tiny, uncomfortable chairs, and he attempted to wade through the paperwork.

Being in the military, he had become quite used to mounds of paperwork, and it didn't take him very long to fill out all of the pages. Still though, by the end, his wrist was aching and the noise of the waiting room made his head throb even worse. He took the clipboard back to the front desk. The lady snatched it without a word. When it was obvious that he was going to get no further directions, he went back to the corner.

"Havoc, Jean Havoc." Not long afterwards, a nurse came out of the main door, into the quickly crowding waiting room- calling his name and looking around. He waived his arm and smiled at the pretty, dark haired young nurse and wheeled himself over.

"I'm here, ma'am. She tried to hide the surprise that he was already in a wheelchair. Jean, though, was well used to the looks that he got from people. It had stopped bothering him years ago.

"F-Follow me, please." She stuttered as he smiled at her, trying to put her at ease. He followed her down a few long, winding corridors, getting himself thoroughly lost. She pointed to a lone open door. "In here, please. The doctor should be in soon."

"Thanks." He flashed a smile at her, and she blushed slightly, smiling back as she closed the door behind her. 'Huh, it figures.' He thought to himself. 'You finally find someone who seems even slightly interested, and you're already taken- kind of.' He grinned at the irony, shrugged, and then entertained himself with the magazines in the room until the doctor came in.

"Hello there, I'm Doctor Huey." He smiled, took a look at the blonde's chart for a moment, and then closed the metal clipboard with a bang. "I'm going to take a look at you today. So tell me, why did you want to see me, Mr. Havoc?"

He flushed a deep red and paused for a moment before he plucked up the courage to speak. "Well, I got a little feeling back… um… somewhere, and I wasn't sure if that meant that I may get more feeling back, or if it was just a fluke."

The doctor gave him a wide grin. "Ah, I see," he said, simply. "Alright, let's take a look at what's going on." Jean sighed, glad that he didn't have to elaborate any further.

After close to an hour of prodding, poking, bloodletting, and questioning, the doctor came back in, reading the chart as he entered.

"Well, Mr. Havoc," he started, looking up from his chart. "I've finished my exam. As far as I can tell, everything is the same as it was from your last physical. The regaining of a small bit of sensation in your extremities is just a normal part the body's healing process. It isn't unusual for small pockets of feeling to return below the injury site. But only in very rare occurrences does this lead to a more total return of sensation. I'm sorry, but I don't think that you're going to regain any more feeling in your legs."

Jean's face sunk, but he put on a small smile for the doctor. "Thanks, doc. I was afraid of that, but I wanted to know for sure."

"Don't give up hope, Jean." He smiled, surprising Havoc by using his first name. "Medical science has come a long way, and who knows what may happen? I've been reading your medical history, and you've come a long way. You've even been attempting to using crutches, according to your therapist. There are a lot of paraplegics who never even get to that stage."

"Thanks again." Jean shook the doctor's hand and left the room, took care of the paperwork, and then waited in the front office until a cab arrived to take him home.

Just as Maria had predicted, she wasn't there when he got back. But it was probably just as well, he figured. He wasn't in much of a talking mood anyways, and he barely had enough time to get dressed and ready for work before his driver honked the horn.

Jean was deathly silent on the way to work, and the same after he arrived in his office. He dreaded what he was going to tell Maria when he got home that night. He knew that she was smart enough to know that this wasn't a miracle, but he was sure that she'd be disappointed. The blond hated to see her sad. It broke his heart to see a frown on that beautiful face.

Right before his lunch break, the Fuhrer stopped by his office to invite Jean to lunch. Mustang did it every day that he wasn't swamped by paperwork. They both looked forward to the hour a day that they could talk and joke like they had years ago. Unfortunately, the lunch dates were getting less frequent as Mustang took on more jobs as the head of Amestris.

That day, Jean wasn't looking forward to their lunch meeting. He had hoped that he would get the call from Hawkeye. She was the one who would call and apologize that the Fuhrer couldn't attend. But it didn't happen- and right on time, he showed up with a smile and an empty stomach.

"Come on, Jean. You haven't touched your lunch, and you've hardly said a word. What's the matter?" Mustang asked, after an extended period of quiet between the two men.

"Don't worry about it. It isn't important." Jean grumbled, poking at an ominous looking lump of meat on his tray with the fork.

"If it's important enough to upset you this much, then it must be something big." Mustang got a worried look on his face. "There isn't anything wrong with Ross, is there?"

Jean shook his head and put his fork down. "No. I wouldn't let anything happen to her," he said, glumly. "It's nothing, really."

Mustang frowned, looking deathly serious. He got up and picked up both of their trays. "You are to report to my office at precisely 1900 hours. That's an order." He said, sternly. Without another word, he turned on his heels and exited the lunch room.

"Why does he want to see me when I'm supposed to be going home?" Jean wondered out loud, long after Mustang had left. He shrugged his shoulders and headed back towards his office.

The afternoon drug on, and finally 1900 hours rolled around. Jean wasted no time in heading to Mustang's office to find out what was in store for him. "He's waiting for you." Hawkeye pointed to the Fuhrer's inner office door after he had let himself in.

Jean knocked at the door, rather timidly, and heard a muffled "Enter," from the room within. He opened the massive wooden door and moved inside, saluting as he came in, and with some effort, closing the door behind him. "You wanted to see me, sir?" He asked.

Mustang returned the salute, a soft smile creeping across his face. He put down the papers that he had been studying and stood up, walking over towards Jean. "Come with me. I think we need to talk elsewhere," he replied, simply.

"Um, okay, sir."

The Fuhrer grabbed his long, gray greatcoat, and headed towards the exit, with Jean close behind. Hawkeye stood up and saluted as he walked past. "Have a good night, sir." The blond didn't miss the almost imperceptible smile that passed between the two. Despite being married, they both knew that it was all business while they were at work.

He returned the salute, his smile growing for just a moment. "Thanks, you too." The 'I'll see you tonight.' was left unsaid, hanging in the air between them. Mustang and Havoc made their way down to the motor pool, where a car was already waiting for them.

For a moment, Mustang looked serious as he walked to the driver's side and whispered something to the driver. The young man looked confused for a brief moment. He flashed a quick look over to Jean and nodded, replying "Yes, sir."

The two of them helped Havoc break down his chair after he transferred into the back seat. Mustang took the shotgun position, and they were off. For most of the trip, the conversation was boring. Jean was mostly distant and distracted, still wondering where they were taking him.

Eventually, they rolled to a stop in front of a bar. "Sir?" Jean asked, looking around to see if there was somewhere else close by that they had meant to stop. "I really ought to get home. I think Maria is going to have dinner waiting."

"Don't worry. I don't plan on being here long." Mustang replied, getting out of the car and whispering to the driver again, who smiled and nodded, then helped Jean back into his chair. As soon as they were out, the driver sped off.

"With all due respect, sir, I'm not sure why we're here." He looked around nervously as they entered the loud, smoky bar.

Mustang talked to the hostess for a moment, and they were shown to a table in the back of the bar- in a somewhat quiet spot. A chair was taken away for Jean, and a couple of beers were put down onto the table before they got the chance to order.

Let's just relax for a few minutes. I'll explain everything after a beer." Mustang smiled and picked up his glass, taking a long drink. As much as he tried to hide it, Jean noticed when his faced scrunched up ever so slightly. Mustang was used to hard liquors- not cheap beer- and it took a bit of getting used to.

An hour later, Jean was well on his well to total inebriation. Mustang was not in as bad shape, although even he would admit that he was far from sober. "So- tell me," he started, signaling a waitress for another round of drinks. "You were pretty upset earlier today. Why was that?"

Jean tried to focus his eyes on the man in front of him, but the room wouldn't stop spinning. He put his hands on the table to steady himself. "I'm not getting better." He said after a moment. "I thought I was, but 'm not. No feelin'. Damn legs won't work. Doc says no more feelin'"

It took a moment for the alchemist to decipher Jean's drunken ramblings. "Well, I'm sorry that you didn't get good news. But at least it isn't getting worse," he attempted to sound cheerful.

"'M pathetic. Half a man. Useless."

Mustang's face grew deadly serious. He pulled his friend close, grabbing a handful of his blue military jacket and almost tugging him out of his chair.. "Look. You're not worthless, and you're far from pathetic. You have a woman who cares for you, a job, an apartment, a life, and friends who look out for you. I bet most people in your position would be in a hospital permanently, or even worse. "You've done well." He let Jean's jacket go. "Come on. Let's get you home. I'm sure she's worried about you."

"'Kay." He replied, sleepily.

Mustang left to make a phone call, and a short time later, the driver arrived. For a brief moment, Jean tried to not let Mustang push him. "I'm okay!" He yelled- much louder than he had intended, making several bar patrons turn his direction. It only took a couple of uncoordinated attempts to try to make himself mobile before he gave up. "'M not okay." He muttered, a defeated look on his face.

It took both of them to pile a drunken and mostly asleep Jean into the car, and even then he almost fell over. Eventually, they all settled in and headed back towards his apartment.

Getting him back into his chair proved to be just as awkward as getting him out. The driver waited by the car while Mustang wheeled Jean towards the apartment. By this time, the blond was snoring softly, hardly even waking up while being transferred to his chair.

The Fuhrer knocked on the door, and Maria answered a moment later. He could see the table set behind her, and the smell of food wafted towards him. Immediately her face went from worry, to relief, to confusion as she looked to Mustang- and the sleeping man in the chair.

"Hello, Ms. Ross." He said, rather formally, trying not to slur his speech. "I'm very sorry that I kept him out late. That was not my intention. He's a bit inebriated. He didn't want to go, and I made him. It's all my fault, and I apologize."

She sighed softly, her worried face relaxing. "I'm just glad he's okay. I was worried." She looked down at him, a smile growing on her face. "He's cute when he's asleep." She thought out loud. Immediately her cheeks flushed a little. "Let's get him to bed."

It took both of them a while to get him into bed and partially undressed. When they were done, they retired back to the living room. Maria offered him some coffee, but he politely declined and started to head towards the front door.

"I should be getting home as well. I'm sure that Riza is wondering where I am." Maria smiled. It was the first time she had ever heard him use her first name. She knew they were married- Jean had done a good job of getting her caught up on her former comrades- but they were always so serious. It was nice to see the warmth that came to Mustang's face when he talked about her, even just saying her name.

"Goodnight, Ms. Ross. I'm sorry about this. I didn't mean to worry you. I'm sure he'll explain everything in the morning. Good night." He saluted. Even though she wasn't a solider any more, she appreciated the sign of respect, and returned the salute.

"Good night, sir." She smiled and closed the door, then looked sadly at the table and started to put the mostly uneaten food away.


End file.
